Just last night, on Monday Night RAWWWWW, Stephanie McMahon unleashed her latest marketing campaign, of the sort that has absolutely ruined any sense of spontaneity on WWE television.
WWE needed one more element to put over the first time ever! Women's WrestleMania event. We have the sympathetic, injured babyface. We have the marketable, progressive history component. We have the worked shoot element. The synergistic social media #engagement. Brawls. Beat-downs. Suspensions, plural. Injuries, plural. Authority intervention. And, as of last night, we have vehicular assaults slash arrests slash police stuff. But what else?
"Nothing?" a faint voice called out in the distance.
"Everything, gotcha," shrieked Steph, and now, the marketing machine has plastered the mandatory tagline across a match that is going to be excellent and momentous, but acts as a sobering lesson. Never again petition for nor entrust WWE to craft a long-term storyline six months in the making. The company will simply weld every single storytelling trope onto it - and how Stephanie McMahon isn't the Special Guest Referee is beyond comprehension.
WINNER TAKES ALL is WWE's latest marketing assault.
This, at least, should manifest as a classic pro wrestling match - as opposed to an embarrassing self-own...