7 Most Insane Things Happening In Wrestling Right Now (August 4)
Dinosaurs, bores and never-gonna-draws.
On this week in wrestling history, 'The Chosen One' Jeff Jarrett chose a new gimmick for himself: The Dwarf Destroyer.
Jarrett, NWA:TNA head honcho, positioned himself in a storyline in which he was an enemy of the office - all while playing to a small audience who, by 2002, knew better. On an early iteration of their weekly PPV shows, Jarrett promised the office that he'd start at the bottom. The "bottom" was a little person wrestler by the name of Todd Stone. Jarrett removed Stone from a burlap sack, levelled him with a clothesline, a piledriver, and his Stroke finisher. "I sure made short work of him," is what Jarrett didn't say. His group at that time was far more offensive than that.
"I just had a mini-stroke!" he declared, which you suspect is the entire reason this segment was scripted in the first place.
Then, 'Puppet The Psycho Dwarf' emerged to answer Jarrett's subsequent open challenge...with a gun. Security ran out, and when Puppet's back was turned, Jarrett avoided a potential crime scene by braining him in the back of the head with a foreign object. This, of course, was a Vince Russo calling card.
There was no gun play on wrestling TV this week in 2017, sadly, but WWE continued to fire blanks in the creative department...
7. Dave's Song
Vince Russo isn't a fan of Dave Meltzer. That might have something to do with the fact that his analytical breakdown of Russo-era Nitro ratings conclusively prove that he was a bust as head booker. Which made his touching 'Your Song' tribute to Dave a week or so back rather odd.
The swerve is that this wasn't a tribute song, but a diss! Whoa.
Never in your life will you hear anything as nails-on-chalkboard embarrassing, unlistenable, as this. Russo begins his impression of Elton John - who being homosexual should be an affront to Russo's born again Christianity, but let's not look for logic where there is none - by declaring that "It's a little bit funny - Dave's ass is quite wide." What's actually funny is that Meltzer is improbably ripped. He's in considerably better shape than Russo. But let's not look for logic where there is none.
If he had any talent, Meltzer would "buy a big ring and fly like Finn," Russo continues, with the vocal dexterity of Jillian Hall. He's not meant to be able to sing. But this is meant to be funny, and it's not. "He gave you five stars! He gave you five stars!" Russo screams, raging against the so-called "smark" wrestling subset...who he exclusively pandered to in late 2000 WCW to disastrous effect. Just when you think he's a hypocrite, he hits you with his trademark swerve - it turns out he's an idiot.
Even his co-host, Jeff Lane, involuntarily winces throughout the entire ordeal.