Alright here’s the thing, Pole matches sometimes (and I mean rarely) have a useful premise. For example if a wrestler has been using a personal weapon unfairly, it’s a good match to even the playing field and give the heel a taste of his own medicine. Whilst in the WWE, William Regal used brass knuckles to his advantage, so Edge vs. Regal in a “Brass Knuckles on a Pole Match” made at least some sense. But over the years, the “On a Pole” stipulation has seen its fair share of ridiculous moments, and we mostly have WCW and Vince Russo to thank.
Here’s a selection of some of the worst/weirdest/most pointless “On a Pole” Stipulations in wrestling history.
Chair on a Pole Match
Crowbar vs. Meng
Ok firstly, Crowbar reaches the chair on his first attempt! No suspense or battling back and forth. Just one easy climb and there we go, the chair is down. But more importantly than that.. There are chairs EVERYWHERE at ringside, did we really need to hang one from a pole? Isn’t the whole point of this gimmick that it should be a weapon the two guys don’t necessarily both have access to? If I was Crowbar, I would’ve just carried one out from the bank and caved Meng’s head in with it just for having that hair. On top of all that, the match is also pretty sloppy and Crowbar barely even touches the chair to the head that leads to the finish of the match.
The Rock vs. Mankind
The McMahon Helmsley Era came up with some interesting match concepts in their day. My favourite being the “Over the top, Off with the top” match Triple H made just for kicks. In this one, the person who climbed and took down the pink slip got to KEEP his job. So confusingly, the person who got their pink slip, wasn’t fired. In all fairness, this wasn’t a bad match, it was pretty good. And it told a good story, with Mankind refusing to win thanks to an Al Snow run in, and then ending up losing himself. But in typical WWE Fashion, the “Firing” only lasted about a week, before the Rock made them reverse the decision. Fun fact about this one, while most people were out celebrating the Millennium new year, I was watching this match on Sky Sports in the UK. I’m so cool.
Leg on a Pole Match
Yoshi Tatsu vs. Tyson Kidd
No this match didn’t feature Zach Gowen, what a terrible thing to say. This one happened on NXT fairly recently, but I wouldn’t be surprised if no one saw it because in reality who watches NXT still? But Yoshi, Tyson and others like Justin Gabriel had been quietly having some great matches on the show as it chugged along. The story behind this one was, someone sabotaged Yoshi’s action figure of himself by pulling off it‘s leg. In this match Yoshi was out for revenge on the perpetrator as the leg hung above the ring on a pole attached to a necklace. Given ample time to develop, this was a decent match between two competitors I enjoy watching. I think William Regal put it best on commentary. “These two fine competitors have just beat each other senseless over a plastic leg.” It really was a beautiful moment seeing leg reunited with body.
Paddle on a Pole
Numerous Competitors (Divas)
The poor WWE Divas have had some seriously perverted stipulations to put up with over the years. Pudding matches, Swimming Pool matches, Bikini contests etc. You name the dirty fantasy, the WWE writers have visited it in some way. The premise is simple for the Paddle on a Pole. First girl to reach the Paddle gets to spank her opponent with it. Don’t expect to see that one in PG Era WWE anytime soon.
Piñata on a Pole
Silver King vs. Villano 5 vs. El Dandy vs. Psycosis vs. Juventud Guerrera
All you need to do is watch the pre match backstage footage for this one to see how ridiculous the concept is. Before the match, Vince Russo explains to five of his young Mexican talents that they’re going to be in a Piñata on a Pole match. We hang up the Piñata, we give the Mexicans sticks, they bust open the Piñata, they get a cheque for 10,000 dollars inside. Luckily the money was enough to make these guys forget about the racial stereotyping so they were all excited to compete. And if I haven’t convinced you how stupid it is yet, how about I tell you that about 12 seconds into the match the Piñata falls off the pole? Yup. It fell down. And just lay there. The wrestlers had to pretend they didn’t realise it was no longer on the pole, even though it was the sole purpose they were out there. At one point, Juvi picks it up…and goes to hang it back up! Why!? Break that shit open! Get paid! But it couldn’t get worse right? Of course not. Oh, except for the finish. The whole match they’ve been beating each other with sticks. Yet the finish comes when Dr Death interferes and causes a DISQUALIFICATION! Dr Death squashes all the cruiserweights while Oklahoma is at ringside commentating in his absolutely tasteless JR impression. Whoever let this whole thing go to air, should never be allowed near a wrestling, or any other TV show again in their lives
Leather Jacket on a Pole
Tank Abbott vs. Big Al
First, the back story. Tank Abbott came to WCW from MMA, and was pushed as a legitimate Bad Ass. “Big Al” came in and he wasn’t happy with Tank turning to wrestling. Somewhere along the way they agreed to have a “skins” match or “leather jacket on a pole.” And so to the match. Which was terrible, and hard to believe it made it onto a Pay Per View. To begin with they tied each others fists together so that they could swing close punches. But really mostly what they did was yell “BRING IT!” “C’MON!” and other such things at each other. Al brought Tank down with a forearm shot and he just lay there. He sold it for almost THREE minutes without even moving. A few punches later, Tank got the jacket. But that wasn’t it. In a typically tasteless move, WCW had another ace up their sleeve. But Tank, Tank had a knife up his and pulled it out of the jacket. Tank held the knife to Al’s throat as the camera quickly cut to the crowd and the commentators made jokes like it didn’t happen. Gotta love WCW!
Viagra on a Pole
Billy Kidman vs. Shane Douglas
You all knew this one was coming. As if to say “We give up, you win WWE,” WCW created a storyline where everyone knew Shane Douglas had erectile dysfunction. On the Monday, Kidman provided us with a steamy sex tape (supposedly.) On Thursday the Franchise tried to do the same, but accidentally showed us the footage of him having trouble getting it up. And so, we get a Viagra on a pole match. In this one, if you get the bottle, you could use it as a weapon, but ultimately the match could end on a pin fall or submission. Kidman grabbed the bottle and got it in the ring, but Torrie had the referee distracted. Shane gave him a jaw breaker, and Billy dropped the bottle which smashed open. The referee turned around to see PART of the bottle in Shane Douglas hand and called for the bell.
Judy Bagwell on a Pole
Kanyon vs. Buff Bagwell
What’s worse than Viagra on a Pole you ask? How about a person? So lets get it out of the way, Kanyon was stalking Bagwell’s mother to play mind games with him. He kidnapped her, and thus we have a Judy on a Pole. Now it might have been billed as a pole match, but then Kanyon actually drove her out on a forklift. His reason. He said he searched the country and couldn’t find a pole strong enough to hold her. I cant dispute that. They brawled in the crowd, they brawled in the ring. Just like you would if someone stole your mother and put her on a forklift on a height. And just like the piñata match previously mentioned, WCW managed to make it even worse. Everyone’s favourite World Heavyweight Champion, David Arquette got himself involved in the match too. And his ring gear was some of the ugliest I’ve ever witnessed. Arquette smashed Bagwell with a helmet, but it didn’t get Kanyon the win. Bagwell managed a double Block Buster and pinned Kanyon to win back his mother, in the type of touching moment that only Hallmark movies can rival.
Buff Bagwell vs. Positively Kanyon-Judy Bagwell… by Stinger1981