1. The Beach (2000)
No film disappoints me time and time again like
The Beach. Perhaps it's because I'm so desperate (and genuinely hopeful) to believe that a brilliantly-realized adaptation of my all-time favourite novel is playing out whenever I sit down to give it another shot, only for those hopes to be shattered within half an hour of each and every viewing. There's reason behind these reoccurring delusions: the opening half hour of Danny Boyle's misguided adaptation is transferred from page to screen with such pitch-perfect precision that it gives you a false sense of security. That aside, there are two major reasons that this one really stings. The first, and perhaps the most important, abolishes the most important aspect of novel to film adaptation: keep the
heart of the book in tact. The second reason is of lesser offense, but still highly irritating:
The Beach is written by somebody with a clear love and obsession with cinema. Seriously. The novel is practically a cinematic blueprint, written with clean, deft prose that even resembles that of a screenplay (exactly so, had it not been in first person narrative). Even with respect for the necessary differences between novel and film, how did something with such well-defined cinematic characteristics end up so muddled and confused? The story, in case you're in doubt, concerns a young backpacker, Richard, who finds himself in possession of a map that eventually leads him to a concealed paradise in Thailand. There, he joins a small, isolated community, who have built their own society, but things begin to go very wrong indeed when the group realise they're not alone. Alex Garland's pitch perfect meditation on backpacker culture could have been one of the great films of the '90s - especially with Danny Boyle at the helm - and yet the movie (presumably as a result of the well-documented studio pressure) is so flimsy and bland. A cinematic waste on every level. There's still hope for this, though: a TV version is currently in the works. Let's hope that - at least - the integrity of the novel is kept in tact this time around.
Which great movie concepts do you think were wasted on mediocre movies? Do I secretly have unrealised beef with Will Smith? Let us know in the comments section below.