1. Jim Carrey - The Number 23
Remember how I said there is nothing worse to watch than a good actor trying to invest a hokey premise with sincerity? Well, with The X-Files: I Want To Believe, at least there was a twisted logic to the story. Not so here - The Number 23 follows Walter Sparrow as he reads a book by an author called Topsy Kretts called "The Number 23", whereupon he becomes convinced that the book's main character is based upon himself and that is being hunted by the number 23. "Being hunted by the number 23, you say? What will the number do when it catches him?" It will be there, that's what! You turn a corner and see a car registration plate, 23's going to be on it! You buy a pot of paint from a shop? The letters, when matched to numerical correspondants, will add up to 23 when added up and divided appropriately! You go to the toilet to do a poo? You'll end up reading page 3 of a magazine (think about it). Yes, the number will be everywhere you are, being there all over the place, making you notice it like...angry oxygen particles. Beware the number! The film spends an awful lot of time explaining in ugly cut scenes the exact manner in which 23 invades Sparrow's life. But it never, ever, EVER explains in what manner it is actually a threat to anyone. I have watched the film too many times for my own good, and cannot see how the so-called "23 phenomenon" could ever be anything more than annoying. Paper cuts are annoying, but you don't see Tom Hanks starring in a film about a man who notices the sharp edges of paper all around his house! It is the film's complete failure to address this non-sequitor, coupled with Carrey's completely unashamed performance of an man being driven insane by a number that renders this film quite so god awful. Carrey, as we all know, has been spectacular in serious movies; I personally consider The Truman Show to be one of the greatest movies ever made, and that is largely thanks to the perfection of casting Carrey as a man who would be worth watching 24/7. He is hilarious, stretchy, flexible, the rubber man! His impressions are spot on, his improvising ability astounding, his mastery of physical and verbal comedy is an absolute joy to watch. So why did he have to waste my time by appearing in something so utterly without merit? It isn't even "so good, it's bad!" It is like looking Satan in the face and saying "Is it my time yet?" Joyless, stupid, babbling crap of the lowest order, and Carrey knows better. Or so I think. But do you disagree? With this choice, or any of the choices? Have additions of your own? Have any stern admonitions you have to get off your bosoms? I'm all eyes.