5. Mark Wahlberg - The Lovely Bones
I know you think I am cheating here - "Since when was Mark Wahlberg a comedy actor?" - but I have thought about it for a long time, and am forced to conclude that he must be a comedy actor because if he isn't, then I should have to take him seriously, and I'm afraid I can't. I've tried; I went to see The Lovely Bones in good faith, as I hadn't seen King Kong yet and thought that Peter Jackson could do no wrong. Turns out he could. The film itself was genuinely horrendous - garish, stinky, offensive; as Roger Ebert pointed out in his review, the film seemed to say "If you're a 14-year-old girl who has been brutally raped and murdered by a serial killer, you have a lot to look forward to." And Mark Wahlberg's performance as a grieving father was as limp, soggy and stupefying as his wig. Watching him alternately setting up scale models and being beaten within an inch of his life, I was frankly amazed the film's trailer had no mention of "The Amazing Mark Wahlberg, the World's First and Finest Model of Acting Architecture!" Kudos are due, however, to all the other performers in the film who - in gazing at Wahlberg's blank, soulless visage - must have strongly resisted the urge to nail a poster of a better actor on his face.