3. Judge Doom
There are few things in the world I love more than film noir. The muted colors, tortured and complex protagonists along with the undercurrent of mystery and corruption never fail to provide a solid hour-and-a-half of entertainment. And the femme fatales, my god, the femme fatales. Nothing is greater than a beautiful, buxom dame who would have you killed at the drop of a hat. When I was five, I wasn't watching movies like Double Indemnity or The Third Man. My introduction to the noir genre was through Steve Martin's Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid and Who Framed Roger Rabbit. In the latter, Roger Rabbit is framed for the murder of Marvin Acme, the man in charge of both the Acme Corporation and Toontown. This suspicion is not unfounded as Mr. Acme had been caught playing patty-cake with Jessica Rabbit, the cartoon equivalent of giving a foot massage to Mrs. Mia Wallace. In the ensuing investigation, Bob Hoskins plays Eddie Valiant, the lush detective with a grudge against the toons. However, his prejudicial remarks come off as quaint compared to Judge Doom, the fedora and trenchcoat-wearing villain who sentences toons to die by being cast into The Dip, a combination of turpentine, acetone and benzene. Early on in the movie we see a cartoon boot sidling alongside the Judge, squeaking meekly like a puppy wanting to be scratched. In order to prove a point to Detective Valiant, Doom picks up the boot and opens the oil drum filled with the anti-toon product. The boot honks frantically, begging for its life. His pleas are to no avail, as the conspicuously-gloved judge drops the cartoon garment in the drum to melt away. The Saw and Hostel franchises can eat their hearts out;
this is torture porn.