1. David Lynch
David Lynch seems like a great guy. In real life, that is. But hearing him talk about films is a completely different experience to actually watching any of his movies, which are - for lack of a better descriptive term - downright bewildering in their complete and utter aimlessness. Lynch has amassed an army of fans through the apparently "dense" and "puzzling" nature of his works; works which he frequently shoots in a dream-like, hazy style, as if that makes up for the lack of substance or proper narrative flow. When you hear the words "David Lynch," then, there's this instinctive tendency to find yourself thinking: "Oh, David Lynch made this? How exciting." But that's before you remember that you don't actually like any of David Lynch's films; that they are boring and tedious. That David Lynch is actually wasting your time with every movie he makes that you set out to see (except The Elephant Man - that's great), because there's absolutely no way in hell he knows what he's trying to say with any of them. It's a trick. A masquerade. And the reason he gets away with it? Because there's no way for anyone to prove or disprove that his movies are utter genius. It's become easier, for some reason, to praise overlong, pretentious works like Mulholland Drive instead of calling them out for the pointless mindf*cks that they actually are. Indeed, sniffing glue and staring at a wall splattered with a few colours in a smokey room is about as rewarding as any David Lynch movie that isn't The Elephant Man. Truly, the glass isn't even half full; it's totally empty.
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