5. The Cat in the Hat
Ah, "The Cat in the Hat." We all grew up with this Dr. Seuss book as children. For those of you whose parents raised you under a rock, the book is about two children who are home alone on a rainy day with nothing to do. Suddenly, an anthropomorphic cat with a tall hat and a box filled with random crap comes arrives at their doorstep and entertains the children, which ultimately results in complete chaos. You'd think that it would be impossible to make a feature-length film based off a short story like this, but when you combine Mike Myers in cat-makeup with wacky subplots and special effects, anything is possible. The problem is that this movie took out all the heart the original story had. Ignoring the sexual innuendos and threats of violence that are peppered throughout this PG-rated film, the movie itself just doesn't work. Not only do you have a crazed cat who is destroying the house, but you've also got the side-villain played by Alec Baldwin who is dating the children's mother and wants to ship the boy off to military school. Right, but wouldn't he still have to interact with the daughter? With a bad story and humor that about as tasteless as can be, it's no wonder a sequel was never made. This movie was so bad that Audrey Geisel, Theodore Geisel's wife, forbid anymore live-action adaptations of her husbands work. It was for the best, because although we'll only be seeing CGI Dr. Seuss movies in the future, anything is better than this crap-fest.