Now, this is one which we don't in any way buy into or endorse, but it is certifiably insane. And insane Harry Potter theories is what we promised you, and we always deliver on our promises. Always. And so, we present to you, the reason that Albus Dumbledore turned gay: it's a combination of a couple of different fan theories, taking in JK Rowling's revelation once the books had ended that the headmaster of Hogwarts had been gay all along (but it had never come up in the text itself), and some weird idea that at some point in the distant past - honestly, we don't know where this came from - Dumbledore's sister was assaulted by a bunch of muggles. And the young Albus watched, for some reason? Or saw it? Anyway, after seeing how they had treated a woman, he swore off sex with females for the rest of his life and became homosexual. Which is a totally insane theory because, honestly, Rowling didn't even mention his sexuality in the book, would she really have planted a bunch of references to a rape in her series of children's books? Also, it's based on the incredibly problematic thinking that something can turn someone gay. People don't "turn" gay. He's not like a sexual Batman or something, his libido changed irrevocably by a tragic event so he dedicates himself to knobs. Shame on you, Lama.a. If that is your real name.
Tom Baker is the Comics Editor at WhatCulture! He's heard all the Doctor Who jokes, but not many about Randall and Hopkirk. He also blogs at http://communibearsilostate.wordpress.com/
