10 Least Romantic Movies Ever Released On Valentine's Day

Cannibals, zombies and Steven Seagal.

Orion Pictures

If The Shape Of Water seems like an unusual film to release in the UK in time for Valentine’s Day, bear in mind that far less appropriate films have been released to American multiplexes at the same time over the years.

Guillermo Del Toro’s film does at least have a romance at the core of its story (even if it turns out to be Fifty Shades Of Abe Sapien) which is more than you can say for The Dogs Of War, where Christopher Walken leads a group of mercenaries into war-torn Africa and takes a beating for his trouble.

There’s also The Beast Within, the merry story of a rape victim whose offspring eventually transforms into a monster. Or how about Terrorvision, where a family’s TV satellite picks up a transmission containing a flesh-eating alien? These are not movies whose release dates were scheduled with romantic couples in mind.

The following glimpse at the kinds of films that have played to American audiences on Valentine’s Day will convince you that romance is, if not dead, then the invention of the Hallmark greeting card company.

Caveat lector: the first movie on the list is truly horrifying.


Ian Watson is the author of 'Midnight Movie Madness', a 600+ page guide to "bad" movies from 'Reefer Madness' to 'Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead.'