2. The 'Grand Statement'
The chaser will catch up with the chased and make a grand verbal declaration of love that has been written by a spotty faced script doctor who has never met a woman let alone been intimate with one, but who dreams of saying exactly this sort of shit to a female of the species (who isnt inflatable) one day! Let's take a quick look at the "iconic" final speech by Hugh Grant in Four Weddings & a Funeral:
"... Ehm, look. Sorry, sorry. I just, ehm, well, this is a very stupid question and... , particularly in view of our recent shopping excursion, but I just wondered, by any chance, ehm, eh, I mean obviously not because I guess I've only slept with 9 people, but-but I-I just wondered... ehh. I really feel, ehh, in short, to recap it slightly in a clearer version, eh, the words of David Cassidy in fact, eh, while he was still with the Partridge family, eh, "I think I love you," and eh, I-I just wondered by any chance you wouldn't like to... Eh... Eh... No, no, no of course not... I'm an idiot, he's not... Excellent, excellent, fantastic, eh, I was gonna say lovely to see you, sorry to disturb... Better get on..." Now - who thinks that would actually work in real life? It may work to secure you an appointment with a speech therapist but, come the fuck on, no woman is going to wait around to see how that speech ends! Yet stand a guy in the rain mumbling that with music swelling and you've got yourself a 'moment'! Go figure!
Gareth Howie
Contributor
I'm a part-time writer, part-time stand-up comedian, full time movie geek who strongly believes Martin Brest's MIDNIGHT RUN is one of the greatest, if not THE greatest, movie ever made!
(... This is the bit where you mutter "You must be some sort of friggin' comedian if you think Midnight Run is the greatest movie ever made!")
I'm a massive junkie for 'revenge' and 'conspiracy' movies and I'm an even bigger fan of all things John Carpenter, Albert Brooks, Coen Brothers, Sidney Lumet, Paul Thomas Anderson, Tony Scott, Christopher Nolan, Michael Mann, Oliver Stone, Steven Spielberg, Joe Dante, David Fincher, Wes Anderson and Shane Meadows.
I'm on Twitter at @gazzhowie if you'd like to validate my existence by following me - and my movie review archive can be found at www.gazzhowie.tumblr.com!
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Gareth