2. Silent Bob (Clerks)
No one likes to talk bad about a cult classic, but let's face it: Silent Bob would not make a good friend. Sure, he's occasionally witty and filled with poignant social commentary, but leaning against a gas station selling marijuana in silence would get old real quick. The only time he'd be interesting would be during that one moment of the day when he had something incredibly intelligent to say. Although one might enjoy his developed listening skills, you could get the same fulfillment from a cat or a potted fern. When it comes down to it people want a good conversation every now and then. And while he's cordial and delightfully tubby Silent Bob just can't offer that.