1. Han Solo
Movie: Star Wars, Episodes IV, V and VI (1977 1983)
Why Hes a Douche: Hes not just
a douche bag, hes
the douche bag. Never will you meet such an awesome character thats so arrogant, so self-involved and so unbelievably obnoxious as a one Han Solo. On the surface, Solo is only in it for himself; not to save the Universe from the Empire, but to claim his bounty, and to possibly coax a few courtesy bangs from Princess Leia, if he can just about manage it. According to him hes the best; he has the fastest ship, the best moves, hes the most handsome. And if it were a cover up for insecurity, maybe hed be a sympathetic character. But its not. Solo isnt covering anything up; he genuinely believes hes the cream of the space-crop and he wants you to see it all. If you acted the way Han Solo does toward the people in your life, I promise you, youll find yourself alone quicker than if youd just filled your underpants with egg salad diarrhea.
Why You Love Him: I shudder to think what my partner would do to my nutsack if she said I love you and I answered with I know, but Im crossing my legs at the prospect. Yet somehow, when Han Solo does it, its possibly the most romantic cinematic moment ever captured on film. Why? Because by that point in Empire Strikes Back, not only does Han Solo believe that hes totally awesome, so now too do we. Hes not just a man of empty sentiments; he backs up his self-belief with actions. And despite initially being involved simply for the credits, its quite apparent that he does in fact have deep compassion for the cause why else would he risked his life to look for Luke on the snowy wastes of Hoth? Hes the definition of an anti-hero, laid out for generations of screenwriters and film-makers to look back on and observe exactly how to do it properly. Hell always do the right thing in the end but its in getting there that he takes the diversion.
Honorable Mentions: Jack Burton (Kurt Russell) from Big Trouble in Little China, Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) from Iron Man 1 & 2, Peter Venkmann (Bill Murray) from Ghostbusters 1 & 2, Boromir (Sean Bean) LOTR: Fellowship of the Ring, Charles Foster Kane (Orson Welles) from Citizen Kane. Of course there are so many movie douche bags that didnt quite make this list. Are we missing any? Do let us in on it.