10 Movie Idiots Who Made Simple Solutions Look IMPOSSIBLE

8. The Silence - Use Woodchipper! It's Super Effective

Saw Cary Elwes

If you haven’t seen the Netflix original The Silence, I don’t blame you. It looks for all the world like a bad knock-off of the 2018 critically acclaimed horror A Quiet Place. Blind monsters that use sound to hunt? A family able to survive thanks to their knowledge of sign language to communicate with their hard-of-hearing child? It’s all there.

Yet, despite being released via the streaming platform only last year, this one had been chilling on a shelf since 2017 waiting for someone to have the time and money to put it out. That’s right, it predates A Quiet Place by a full year. There’s little argument about who did it better though. (Hint: it’s the award winning blockbuster, and not the straight-to-stream low budget mess that was probably only released because it also featured Kiernan Shipka of The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina fame.)

Considering its production budget, I doubt anyone would really expect much from the film – but no one would be able to properly prepare for the nonsensical reasoning of these main. It starts with drilling into unknown caves which releases a bunch of weird bat-like ancient creatures who quickly spread and wreak havoc across the North American continent. Evolving in the dark means that they’re blind, and can only detect prey with sounds. Obviously, everything quickly descends into silence as the human race attempts to survive this plague of primitive bats.

Now, if these creatures were the ultra-smart, deadly creatures of A Quiet Place dominating an already collapsed society, I’d understand the threat a little bit more. But in The Silence, we see the start of the invasion. Everyone still has internet access. News sites and social media continue to get updated, but you’re telling me they couldn’t mobilise a slightly more efficient defence? Apparently not, because soon most people are rotting corpses on the street, filled with eggs ready to repopulate the earth with bat things. And when I say these things are not the ultra-smart creatures of A Quiet Place, I mean they really not smart. One scene shows them flying single file into a wood chipper because they are literally attracted to any sound at all.

So let’s break it down: stupid bat things, easy access to Twitter, and I assume a fair number of wood chippers across the United States. Nobody thought to tweet out that turning on a wood chipper takes out a fair few of the weird bat things attacking everyone? Even a blender would probably blitz a couple.

I don’t want to blame any one person in this film for being the biggest idiot, because literally anyone in America could have done better with the tools they had. Instead, The Silence tries to put out some anti-technology message because those darn kids just won’t stop with their iPads and their memes, and in doing so makes the biggest, most idiotic plot hole of them all.


Doing my best until I reach Miranda Priestly levels of journalistic success.