10 Movies That Instantly Told You They Were Garbage
4. Alone In The Dark
Admittedly, all you really needed to see was director Uwe Boll's name in the credits to know that his 2005 adaptation of beloved horror video game Alone in the Dark would be a waste of 96 of your precious minutes on this Earth.
But even if you gave Boll the chance to prove himself capable of adapting this IP to the big screen, he obliterated that goodwill within mere seconds.
Alone in the Dark begins with the thing few of us like to see outside of a Star Wars movie: a colossal wall of text.
While most films that open with text dumps at least know to keep things concise and brief, Alone in the Dark's opening exposition-palooza goes on for a full 90 seconds.
It doesn't help that the paragraphs of information are excruciatingly dull, ensuring audiences are likely to have taken little of it in when we get to, you know, the actual moving images.
Apparently the text was added to the film deep in post-production after test audiences were left confused, yet ironically it adds little clarity whatsoever - it just ensures viewers will start yawning before they've even seen a single human being on screen.