5. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
So you're a terrorist with a funny mask? And you have nanotechnology that eats Paris like a whale at a pie-eating contest? "Well I got better things to do", says Dennis Quaid, "like shoving deadly-trained (and super-hot redhead) assassins up your carcass. All the while spitting corny jokes like a rapper busts rhymes. That not enough, here's Snake Eyes, because that's all the fans want to see." The man with no plan for death stars as General Hawk of the action-figure and animated TV show fame. Bringing together an elite force of soldiers to protect the world (as long as that threat is to America apparently), Hawk commands the Joes. You might remember halfway through the film, just when you didn't think there was enough action yet to appease the 12 year-old boys in theatres, there was action. Most of us may remember pretty much just loud shouts and blurring metal, but something did happen. The bad guy terrorists, trying to destroy Joes H.Q. tried to kill General Hawk. Boy was that a waste of time, because naturally Hawk survives. Probably utilizing American citizen tax dollars sinking the nation further into debt with his action-movie based exploits... but it's all for the greater good! So "not Snake Eyes" busts into Hawk's office and slices at Hawk's back. Instead of actually finishing the job, "not Snake Eyes" walks away. Which is more than that can be said about Hawk, who is now in a wheelchair, then magically not in a wheelchair. So mark "assassin with cool nickname" on the list of things that can't kill Dennis Quaid.