If there's one thing God hates, it's people; in Darren Aronofsky's blockbusterised biblical epic, Noah, the big man takes a particular exception to his irritating creations and decides to just wipe them off the Earth, using nothing but water. That would, unfortunately, be 40 days and 40 nights of water, a deluge big enough to kill every person on the planet. Only Noah, imbued with sheer insanity and probable sociopathy by Russell Crowe, refuses to let that include his own family - the rest of humanity he's OK with - or two of every creature in the animal kingdom. Noah and family decide to build an ark, with help from some crotchety rock monsters who basically do all the work, all the while awaiting God's murderous flood. When it finally arrives, it's plain-sailing for Noah and his ship of beasts, but the rest of the world isn't so lucky - it's likely that the only reason life on-board the ark is so quiet is because the animals are scared into silence by the screams of the people drowning all around them. It could be argued that Noah is arguably God's co-conspirator in this one, making the pair of them villains to the rest of Aronofsky's soddened world.
Lover of film, writer of words, pretentious beyond belief. Thinks Scorsese and Kubrick are the kings of cinema, but PT Anderson and David Fincher are the dashing young princes. Follow Brogan on twitter if you can take shameless self-promotion: @BroganMorris1
