2. Don't Go Near the Park!
The second American entrant on this list, Don't Go Near the Park is a cannibal film with a twist. A pair of brother and sister cavemen are found eating the entrails of their fellow teenagers to stay young, and are cursed by the matriarch of their tribe to prey on young people in a park for all eternity. Which, by the way, is some messed up logic. "Hey you! That's bad! Don't ever do that again! I'm going to punish you by making you do that horrible thing forever!" It's sort of like in Matilda, when Miss Trunchbull punishes Bruce Bogtrotter for stealing a piece of cake by making him eat all the cake. So flash forward about 15,000 years later, and these two crazy kids are still at it. The only way to break the curse is to sacrifice a virgin's soul, so the brother (now going by Mark) decides to father a child, so that one day he can use it to free himself. Because clearly this whole curse thing has taught them not to be selfish toolboxes. It's a confusing film made by a director who was only about twenty years old, but honestly the biggest takeaway is that Mark is played by an actor named Crackers Phinn. Come on. Crackers Phinn? That's awesome.