10 Sarcastic Movie Pricks You Can't Help But Love
1. Gunnery Sergeant Hartmann - Full Metal Jacket
Well thank you very much, can I be in charge for a while?
Kubrick's anti-war masterpiece and ode to the quirks of military training schools also contained one of the most hilarious-and certifiably sarcastic- film character of all time; Gunnery Sergeant Hartman.
A drill Sergeant with a vocabulary like no other, it was Hartman's job to ready his troops for Vietnam. Hartman was keen to promote the ethos of the marine corps from the outset, giving his troops an insight into what it means to be a man. He was a Christian, God-fearing soldier who intended on turning his babies into lean, mean killing machines; "Today... is Christmas! There will be a magic show at zero-nine-thirty! Chaplain Charlie will tell you about how the free world will conquer Communism with the aid of God and a few Marines!?"
Hartman possessed a particular alertness to any form of incompetence displayed by his troops. Training was far from easy (though Hartman seemed to think it was) and each new mistake was met with new modes of vituperative. The already colourful, military-style accusations of Marine life became positively kaleidoscopic in Hartman's mouth; "Do you feel dizzy? Do you feel faint! Jesus H. Christ! I think you've got a hard-on!"
Nor were any of the wider issues of the swinging sixties lost on the Sergeant, who clearly had a good grip on the developments of the cultural revolution: "I bet you're the kind of guy that would f**k a person in the ass and not even have the !*$% common courtesy to give him a reach-around".
But it was Hartman's on-going feud with Private Pyle, the fattest and laziest of the would-be soldiers amongst the training corps, which brought about one of cinema's oddest (and most one-sided) personality clashes. "Private Pyle, whatever you do, don't fall down, it would break my f*cking heart!" But Hartman loved Pyle deep down; "Oh that's right, Private Pyle, don't make any f**king effort to get to the top of the f**king obstacle. If God would have wanted you up there he would have miracled your ass up there by now, wouldn't he?"
Even Pyles' revenge, a shot-gun murder in the toilets, was pre-emptied by Hartman's inquisitive little chestnut; "What is your major malfunction, numbnuts?"
The character of Gunnery Sargeant Hartman is amongst the most hilarious in all of movie history.