Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, the fourth in the increasingly redundant series of swashbuckling movies featuring capering drunkard Captain Jack Sparrow, is a lumbering, chaotic mess of a film, and a lot more dull than a movie about supernatural piracy has any right to be. Essentially, the antagonists of the film are after the Fountain Of Youth, and reckon that Jack knows where it is. Holding up the narrative on his own this time, given that the heroes of the first three films didnt return for the fourth, we can see very clearly why Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley were drafted in the first place. Johnny Depps Captain Jack Sparrow is a foil, a spoiler: a comedy rogue there to add colour and panache to the story. Hes a condiment, not a meal in itself. As the story progresses, it transpires that Jack is supremely uninterested in the Fountain so even the hero doesnt care about the MacGuffin thats supposed to be moving the plot. Want a hero-protagonist with coherent motivations to follow, someone to root for? You got Jack, buddy. Without a proper protagonist, a centre to hold the narrative, its just the bad guys fighting amongst themselves while Depp gurns and preens somewhere in the background. Were left wondering why on earth were watching and why on earth they bothered, because Jack Sparrow falling down every five minutes isnt nearly as charming as they seem to think it is.
Professional writer, punk werewolf and nesting place for starfish. Obsessed with squid, spirals and story. I publish short weird fiction online at desincarne.com, and tweet nonsense under the name Jack The Bodiless. You can follow me all you like, just don't touch my stuff.
