Frank Millers The Dark Knight Returns heralded a version of Batman that was gritty, violent and grim. Upon its arrival alongside books such as Watchmen, it became readily apparent that comic books were not for the kids anymore. Many heroes have been given the DKR treatment, for better or for worse. However, Spider-Man: Reign took it one step further and also re-imagined Spider-Man as a widowed old man trapped in a bleak New York, where superheroes are outlawed and the government employs fascist tactics to keep the population in check. Haunted by images and dreams of the late Mary Jane, Peter is living a very sad, lonely existence indeed. Yes, this book is both haunting and depressing and is very hard to make a joke about. Until you come to realise that Mary Jane died because of Spider-Mans radioactive spider sperm. This stuff practically writes itself. What makes Spider-Man an asshole in this situation is not because he killed Mary Jane by schtupping her, but because he should have known better. The man is a genius, a well-known scientist who is more than capable of testing all of his fluids for radioactivity. He knows that his blood is radioactive and exclaims this during Reign, yet he never had the common sense to make a withdrawal from the wank bank and check to see if there is anything else radioactive about him. Theres a reason why safe sex is a necessity; not only may you end up with a bun in an oven that you never bought but you may also die a slow, painful death from cancer given to you by your lovers radioactive spider slime.
