10 Upcoming Video Game Movies That Absolutely Nobody Asked For

7. Joust

Man, remember that classic game Joust? All those hours spent... jousting, probably, on... whatever machine it was, in... that decade... Good times. Well, Hollywood plans to capitalise on the nostalgia that tens of people around the world might be vaguely feeling. Joust, the arcade game that already looks like it was based on an animated Monty Python sketch, is set to become a feature film. It doesn't even appear to be a case of their usual MO: slapping an existing brand onto a stalled project to sell a generic story. The chance of any movie treatments going around that feature neon knights ostrich-jousting is smaller than the number of people who didn't just Google "Joust" to figure out what it was. Slapping a title that obscure onto any project isn't going to help. Bizarrely, this movie might actually already exist. That's what writer Adam Stone wanted the courts to believe, when he sued the fluoro-metal pants off the creators of 2008's Death Race reboot. Stone claims he pitched Joust to producer Jeremy Bolt and serial good-thing-ruiner Paul W.S. Anderson, who passed on the project, because he apparently only likes to wreck things that people care about. And wouldn't you know it, eventually his rejected movie came out! Except it wasn't titled Joust. And it featured no jousting. And the neon knights had been replaced by a non-neon Jason Statham. And the ostrich was now a Mustang. And the movie bore an odd resemblance to the 1975 movie, Death Race 2000. It seems the cunning producers had completely altered his movie so it no longer contained a single element of his original vision. How dare they!