Every normal person loves a good movie, but if there's one thing movie critics aren't, it's normal people. Sure, you can write a perfectly decent review extolling the virtues of the latest hit film, but that gets old after a while. Good is boring. It's much more fun writing about bad movies. Beneath the surface of every respectable journalist who writes movie reviews lies a sadistic monster, gleefully waiting for a horrible film to come out so that they can use the power of their words against it. These are the people who root for Anton Ego, the caustic food critic, when watching Ratatouille. While this sort of cut throat film criticism is entertaining, it starts to feel a little cruel, in a making-fun-of-the-kid-with-crutches way, when the movie they're deriding is legitimately awful. Or at least it would, if it wasn't absolutely hilarious. These guys are professional writers -- their careers depend on them being able to spit out a cutting turn of phrase on command. And with these reviews on some of the worst movies ever, they definitely do not disappoint.
10. Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2
Let's be fair: there isn't a person alive on this planet who went into Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 and expected it to be good. It was a sequel that no one had asked for, the spawn of a truly terrifying film with demonic talking babies spouting one-liners that were dated about five years before any of the children starring in the movie had even been born. We feel awful for every critic who had to review this movie, presumably watching it and then devoting brain power to describe it to others in an attempt to replicate the traumatic experience. So it's understandable that their responses to the film would express more than a little hostility. J.R. Jones from the Chicago Reader referred to the film as "excruciating", while Joanne Kaufman of the Wall Street Journal expanded upon his criticisms, calling it "unspeakably ghastly." But it was poor, confused A.V. Club writer Nathan Rabin who sought meaning where none could be found. "Why? Seriously, why?" he demanded of the filmmakers, "Why would anyone make a sequel to Baby Geniuses, a 1999 film whose existence, from its title on down, appeared to be a cruel joke about the gullibility of the lowest common denominator?"
Audrey Fox is an ex-film student, which means that she prefers to spend her days in the dark, watching movies and pondering the director's use of diegetic sound. She currently works as an entertainment writer, joyfully rambling about all things film and television related. Add her on Twitter at @audonamission and check out her film blog at 1001moviesandbeyond.com.
