12. Transformers 1, 2 & 3 (2007 - 2011)
Shia LaBeouf and Michael Bay have a combined box office total of over $2087374372473294732947293472394732743924739246239. 34 and all from crap to average movies. So when they were teaming up to bring Transformers to life in their first live action movie, the world let out a collective groan. How could they mess up a film with giant Transforming robots that almost everyone born post 1980 loves? By making them an overly long, poorly written, abominations that exemplify everything that is wrong with modern film making, that's how! The first film was passable but the other two were dire. The Transformers played supporting roles to the dull, cardboard humans whose problems no one cared about at all and the humour was brain dead, remember the little robot humming Megan Fox's leg and how un-hilarious it was? And when it came to the action and you could actualy make out what was happening, the CGI overdose was enough to make you puke or go to sleep. These films were the equivalent of your childhood taking a wrong turn down a dark alley to find Michael Bay waiting with a knife and his pants down, ready to have his wicked way. But I'm sure Mr Bay doesn't care what we think as he counts his money, that is why he is waiting to pounce and attack The Teenage Mutant......sorry......The Ninja Turtles next.
11. Beverly Hills Cop 3 (1994)
One of the original plans for Beverly Hills Cop 3 was to have Axel Foley fly to London and team up with Sean Connery, but budget constraints and behind the scenes politics meant we ended up with a crap ''Die Hard in a Theme Park'' movie. Directed by John Landis, he went on record saying that the script was awful but hoped to make it funny by letting Eddie Murphy be Eddie Murphy. Landis said the script for the first Beverly Hills Cop was shit but the director Martin Brest and Murphy managed to make it funny and all the humour in the film isn't in the screenplay. However, he hadn't banked on Murphy wanting to ape Denzil Washington and try to be a more serious actor, he told Landis tht Axel Foley is a more grown up cop and therefore he wouldn't make as many wisecracks. Apparently Murphy would sidestep any attempts by Landis to inject humour into the film. Other reports suggest that Murphy was depressed due to a string of flops and that his heart just wasn't in it. Whatever the reason, the third film in the series was an absolute stinker. A pilot for a TV series has been commissioned where Foley is chief of the police and his son has joined the force, we will soon know if it's any good or not.
10. Constantine (2005)
Have you read Hellblazer? If you haven't, then you should. The long running horror comic book series from Vertigo is one of the finest works of fiction to ever find its way into print. It's a shame then that the film adaption staring Keanu Reeves was a total mistake on almost every level. This plot about Constantine who has the ability to see demons and angels and is trying to buy his way into heaven after committing the mortal sin of suicide might sound Hellblazery, but that is as close as the film got to the comic. They decided to change almost everything about John Constantine which made no sense because a faithful adaption would have been one hell of a movie. It makes you wonder why they decided to use Hellblazer as the source material in the first place. The film might have stood a better chance if it had been a stand alone film that wasn't linked to the comic book series.
9. Planet Of The Apes (2001)
Another entry for Mr Tim Burton who said this about Planet Of The Apes;
''Like a lot of people, I was affected by the original film. I wanted to do a 're-imagining'.''
Re-imagining a movie where everyone knows the twist ending was going to be difficult. Combined with the fact that the original is a cinema classic with a legion of fans, if you plan to ''re-imagine'' it, then you better make sure that you do a good job. Up to this point, Tim Burton was still a director that attracted the right kind of attention so having his name attached to the new Planet Of The Apes generated a certain level of excitement. And when the first trailer and posters started appearing, it seemed like that Tim Burton was going to produce a worthy update that was not only visually stunning but may even top the original in scale. But as great as the make up was and no matter how hard some of the actors tried, the end result was damaged by a poor script, some questionable casting (Mark Wahlberg & Estella Warren) and a twist that made zero sense. The film marked the sharp decline of Tim Burton as a bankable director. Before Burton got his hands on it, a script was in the works with Oliver Stone and James Cameron as producers at various points. Also Arnold Schwarzenegger was signed up to star but thanks mainly to Warner Bros, that version of Planet Of The Apes never happened. It's a shame because it sounds far more entertaining than the ''re-imagining'' we ended up with.
8. RoboCop 3 (1993)
RoboCop 2 might have been a let down but at least it was watchable, RoboCop 3 on the other hand was a disaster! Frank Miller returned as writer but Peter Weller was out. In his place, Robert John Burke was brought in to put on the RoboCop outfit for the series third cinema outing. Horror movie director Fred Dekker was directing. RoboCop 3's problem was the studio's desire to turn RoboCop from a violent satire into a child friendly superhero. The film was set for a PG-13 rating which meant all references to drugs and prostitution were toned down and the violence that was a staple of the series, made much cartoony. Jet packs, Samurai cyborgs and child computer geniuses with the ability to reprogram an ED-209 to be ''as loyal as a puppy,'' the film was heading for box office failure even before it was left sitting on the shelf for a year due to production company Orion Pictures going through bankruptcy procedures. It was also responsible for Frank Miller taking a 12 year hiatus from Hollywood. He had this to say about his time on RoboCop;
I learned the same lesson, dont be the writer. The directors got the power. The screenplay is a fire hydrant, and theres a row of dogs around the block waiting for it.
This film buried the franchise and any potential it had.