Every 7 years, the worlds top 30 assassins congregate in an unsuspecting locale to duke it out with each other for a $10m prize, unaware theyre being monitored by smarmy Liam Cunningham, who invites rich assholes to bet on the outcome. The contest must be decades old, with all the romantic locations having played host to previous ventures, because this is Middlesboroughs year, meaning that, in trying to kill each other, the likes of Ving Rhames, Kelly Hu and Ian Somerhalder read tabloid newspapers, drink tea in greasy spoon cafes and complain about the bad food. Rhames is in it not for the cash but to find whoevers responsible for killing his old lady (the revelation comes as no surprise), even if it means stealing a tanker and mowing down some innocent people. He flips the tanker, causing a motorway conflagration thatd do James Cameron proud, and emerges with a few cuts and bruises. Thats right its that kind of movie. A trashy, ridiculous, cartoonish, silly, over-the-top, in-your-face movie, sure, but its also a ton of indefensible fun. Disengage brain and enjoy.
Ian Watson is the author of 'Midnight Movie Madness', a 600+ page guide to "bad" movies from 'Reefer Madness' to 'Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead.'
