1. Dumb And Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd
"Oh the humanity!" To your friend, this movie is as bleak as they come. Not because of the signature Dumb and Dumber color schemes, but because it represents a different kind of destruction in his faith in peoplenot just that a movie this bad can be made, but that Hollywood, with all its creative and financial resources, would make a movie this bad, and from a premise that no one especially wanted to see. Not only that, but do so in the most horrific way possible. And then release it. "Why?! Why did Hollywood make this movie?!" your friend shouted to the heavens as Eric Christian Olsen's Lloyd Christmas leaped around enthusiastically to Ice Ice Baby. "No one wanted this movie. It was as if the suits"lingo for film executives, according to your friend"were all sitting around and said, 'Let's really make a franchise out of this. After all, the cartoon seemed to be a good enough indicator for the possibilities. What? We can't get those two guys back? We can't just make a Sea Bass spin-off with Eugene Levy as his accountant/sidekick? Well then I guess PREQUEL IT IS!' not once thinking, 'You know, why don't we make a movie based on something else?' Especially after you knew for a fact that even the tried-and-true sequel without the same cast wouldn't succeed, there was absolutely NO reason to think this would work. And just because you can think of it doesn't mean you should do anything with it! They didn't even make much money from it by Hollywood standards. "Even the title makes no sense! It's the first title on the list that you DON'T want to use!" your friend screamed as he pulled his hair out and stared even more intensely at the screen. "And these actors had to actually PERFORM these things in front of a crew! The director actually had to direct this! The editor actually had to edit this!" The movie really was a lot worse than you remembered. Which is why you never wanted to watch it again to begin with, to reduce the chances of you ever having to realize that.
"I paid MONEY for this," your friend continued, referring to both the theater ticket and his new DVD. And true to your friend's uncanny skill in giving away endings, sure enough, both Eugene Levy AND Cheri Oteri showed up eventually. "Their presence is the biggest indicator! Even with their incredible talent they always somehow end up in these kinds of movies!" While considering an escape route, you tried very hard to make the best of the situation and focus on the glimmers of potential in the movie, such as the costumes, set design, and Bob Saget. "They REALLY thought this was funny????" your friend shrieked as he ran in circles around the room. "This movie actually had a decent budget, but the script feels like the first draft of someone in high school with severe writer's block who doesn't understand the original movie in the least! I LIVE in this society?! Good God." You really focused. Then you heard: "And it came out 10 years ago and they don't even have it for free on YouTube! They have What's Love Got to Do with It but not this???" Wait, what? Your friend was searching frantically on his computer. "This destroys my hope in our society once and for all! This is what it creates to ENTERTAIN people! These are the stories we tell! And some people watch it even when they don't want it!" And as you turned back to the TV screen in horror, you found that your friend had rewound it back to the slushie scene. But like anything evil in the universe, this movie is balanced by good, and is therefore able to be overcome even for someone like your a**hole friend. Being a prequel, Dumb and Dumberer naturally and mercifully created a solution on its own that not only kept your friend's sanity in tact, but brought him just as much joy as it snatched away so heartlessly. It got him to watch the original one again. Maybe one day, when the half-life of these experiences has gone down, I can address 28 one-liners your incredible a**hole friend likes to "augment" with his own interjections, every time he hears them. That goes for during the movies themselves or in everyday conversations.