You can say this for Creedence Leonore Gielgud shes not lacking for crackpot schemes. The weirdest involves dwarves who wear rubber masks and burlap sacks and lure unsuspecting tourists to Nilbog, where theyre transformed into vegetable matter by consuming green gloop. You see, the towns residents are cannibals, but theyre also vegetarians, which means they can only eat people whove been turned into what looks like green food dye. When not attempting to seduce teenage boys by showering them with popcorn (dont ask), Creedence mounts her victims in planters and if they attempt to escape, she takes a chainsaw to them while insisting, You wont feel a thing! Because meat is her Achilles Heel, Creedence can be defeated easily enough just brandishing a double decker bologna sandwich is enough to make her scream and disappear. Well, why not: Horace Pinker (from Shocker) was brought to his knees by a remote control and The Cape Canaveral Monsters were thwarted by leather wallets, so its about time bologna got its day in court.
Ian Watson is the author of 'Midnight Movie Madness', a 600+ page guide to "bad" movies from 'Reefer Madness' to 'Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead.'
