11. Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 - The Moment Where They Pressed The Reset Button
If you're one of the lucky many who hasn't yet seen Paul Blart: Mall Cop, Kevin James' answer to a question Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo never asked, then you'll be completely unaware that, at the end of the film, everyman schlub Blart is instrumental in thwarting a gang of nefarious criminals and gets the girl, thereby at least partially validating himself as a human being. Blart marries Amy in a truncated scenette nestled gloomily in the closing credits, a dodge often used by crappy American comedies when they can't be bothered to end their movies properly. Fast forward six years to the unasked for sequel, and in the first five minutes we learn via flashback and voiceover that Amy divorced Blart after six days, citing 'regrets' and 'vomiting' in the paperwork. This may be to do with actress Jayma Mays having scheduling conflicts with filming, but it's probably far more likely that, when writing the movie, they realised that a sequel didn't work unless the happy ending Blart received at the end of the first film is dialled back again. In other words, the first five minutes of the film tell you outright that you're going to see the first film all over again, and the remainder of the film plasters a vacant smile across its face while screaming RUN RUN RUN out of the corner of its mouth.
Professional writer, punk werewolf and nesting place for starfish. Obsessed with squid, spirals and story. I publish short weird fiction online at desincarne.com, and tweet nonsense under the name Jack The Bodiless. You can follow me all you like, just don't touch my stuff.
