20 Worst Movie Moments Of 2015

4. Fifty Shades Of Grey: The Moment Where It€™s Surprisingly Tame

Now, this is a bit of a slam dunk, in the sense that Fifty Shades Of Grey is a terrible, terrible film, based on an even worse novel, and that everyone involved in the making of said terrible, terrible film except the novelist in question now feels bad about it, and should feel bad about it, probably until the day they die. However. The premise here is that there is an built-in audience for this film that wanted to see a faithful adaptation of the book that they inexplicably helped make such a runaway hit. Just as the novel was not for me, because I like reading and can do it without moving my lips, so too the film is not for me, because I like coming out of the cinema without hating myself and wanting to shoot strangers. Since that audience, for their sins, exists to be catered to, surely this is a film which should scorch the established boundaries of what you can see on a cinema screen. The result, however, is one of the most restrained R-rated movies based on an allegedly torrid affair that you€™ll ever see. For a property whose selling point is kinky sex, there€™s very little of any of that in Fifty Shades Of Grey. The first sex scene is so redolent of a 1990s softcore €˜erotic thriller€™ that it feels like a parody. It even pans away at the end (fortunately not to an open window or a roaring fireplace), while Sia croons wistfully in the background about letting go and giving your heart away. That€™s when you realise that someone, somewhere thinks that this story is an epic romance, not an awkward contemporary bodice-ripper with appalling sexual politics. That someone, somewhere needs their head read.