2013's Alternative End Of Year Film Awards

Celebrating the entirety of 2013's cinema scene... the very best and the very worst.

Only God Forgives The annual parade of back-slapping, self-congratulatory Hollywood award ceremonies are almost upon us once again, in which the year's most critic-friendly (not necessarily the best, remember) movies are screened for various film bodies and doled out lovely shiny statues, in an awards race that seems to be more and more influenced by internal politics and advertising budgets. As we all know, the internet becomes swamped with 'best and/or worst of the year' lists around this time, and for once I find myself in the position to make a similar contribution. However, this article will avoid all of the major award-baiting movies and typical categories to to cast a wider net over the year's offerings, with the Alternative End of Year Awards providing a more light-hearted and irreverent look at the cinematic year of 2013. So sit back, read on and (hopefully) enjoy this review of the year. This is the internet after all, so feel more than free to offer your own opinions. Do you agree with the winners and runners up? Are there any categories that you would have included? Don't be shy to shed your opinion. For the record, in the spirit of these alternative awards no 'legitimate' awards contenders are eligible, or even being considered, for any of the designated categories. That's what makes them alternative, you see. Oh, and several categories contain spoilers.

I don't do social media, so like or follow me in person but please maintain a safe distance or the authorities will be notified. Don't snap me though, I'll probably break. I was once labelled a misogynist on this very site in a twenty paragraph-long rant for daring to speak ill of the Twilight franchise. I stand by what I said, it's crap.