(Originally posted on
The Rec) Every single newspaper, blog, internet movie site, and drooling vegetable on planet Earth has listed their picks for the Oscar race this year. Even Chris threw his two tarnished cents into the ring
right here. The problem I have with creating a list of my picks is that the nominees, for the most part, are WRONG. In a perfect world, the winners would look something like this:
Best Picture"Children of Men" - Simply the best picture of the year. Any film with the two most mind-bending sequences filmed in the last ten years deserves the Oscar. End of story. Pans Labyrinth - Fuck foreign language. This is a masterpiece in any language. The Queen United 93 - Searing and unforgettable. Should have been nominated. Letters From Iwo Jima
Best ActorSacha Baron Cohen,"Borat" - An absolute crime that this performance was overlooked in the nominations. Hands down a brilliant comedic performance so complete that it consumed American culture for half of the year. Leonardo DiCaprio, "The Departed" - This talented actor is nominated for "Blood Diamond," probably due solely to that horrible accent. His work here is much stronger. Ryan Gosling, "Half Nelson" Peter O'Toole, "Venus" Forest Whitaker, "The Last King of Scotland"
Best ActressHelen Mirren, "The Queen" - What can I say? Magnificent. They got one right. Kate Winslet, "Little Children" Judi Dench, "Notes on a Scandal" Penelope Cruz, "Volver" Ivana Baquero, "Pan's Labyrinth" - Spellbinding work as Ophelia. Her eyes alone emote more than any other actress not nominated.
Best Supporting ActorJackie Earle Haley, "Little Children" - I bet this one comes in. Awesome performance by a guy that had a lot of potential even as a kid. Djimon Hounsou, Blood Diamond Mark Wahlberg, The Departed Sergi Lopez, "Pan's Labyrinth" - Horrible mistake. Alan Arkin's performance was a one-note "dirty old man" routine. This performance by Lopez is one to savor for the ages. Brutal, cold, calculating, yet strangely sympathetic. Michael Caine, "Children of Men" - Stunningly endearing performance. Criminally overlooked.
Best Supporting ActressJennifer Hudson. "Dreamgirls" - This will probably happen, too. She gives an inspirational performance, one almost as talked about as Cohen's Borat. Cate Blanchett, Notes on a Scandal Abigail Breslin, Little Miss Sunshine Adriana Barraza, Babel Maribel Verdu, "Pan's Labyrinth" - You may not find a more complex performance onscreen by a supporting actress this year. She loses to Hudson only because Hudson's role is more crucial to the effect of the movie.
Best Director Alfonso Cuaron, "Children of Men" - Stark, unforgiving, and revolutionary. Out of the films of 2006, this is the one that will be studied in film classes in twenty years. Terrible injustice to be overlooked. Clint Eastwood, Letters from Iwo Jima Martin Scorsese, The Departed - He doesn't deserve the award, folks. Paul Greengrass, United 93 Guillermo Del Toro, "Pan's Labyrinth" - Astonishing direction, beautifully shot and edited. If not for Cuaron's work, this would win.
There you have it, kids. The Oscars the way they should be, if there was any justice in a system bought and sold by the studios with the biggest checkbooks.