1. Roger Ebert Insults Anyone Who May Like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
It has to be Ebert again, for he truly is the king of the film-put-down. Nearly a decade after North came this, the remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and Ebert hated it just as much, again gifting it Zero stars and questioning the very moral fibre of anyone who could like it:
"The new version of 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' is a contemptible film: Vile, ugly and brutal. There is not a shred of a reason to see it. Those who defend it will have to dance through mental hoops of their own devising, defining its meanness and despair as 'style' or 'vision' or 'a commentary on our world.'".
He goes on to compare the violence in this to the violence of Kill Bill: Volume 1 (released around the same time), stating how one is art (guess which) and one is not. This was classic Ebert, denouncing one film but suggesting an alternative (in a different way to how Armond White goes about it) that would ensure you an infinitely better night out at the cinema:
"Do yourself a favor. There are a lot of good movies playing right now that can make you feel a little happier, smarter, sexier, funnier, more excited - or more scared, if that's what you want. This is not one of them. Don't let it kill 98 minutes of your life."
Best Quote: "Ugly emotions are easier to evoke and often more commercial than those that contribute to the ongoing lives of the beholders." Why It Makes You Want To Watch It: The chance to see a rare Ebert Zero-star effort aside, bad horrors are always the best thing to sit and laugh at, and this review will guide you to one of the best examples of that notion (well that's how I came to it, anyway). Which other movie reviews actually make you want to watch the movie? Share any more examples down in the comments.
