4. The King Of The Monsters Is A Hermaphrodite - Godzilla
There are so many things wrong with Emmerichs take on Japans biggest export, but the Midochlorians are the Force level kick-in-the-head was making the alleged King of the Monsters a hermaphrodite capable of asexual reproduction. At some level, I do understand this change and where it originated, but like everything else, its handled in the most asinine way possible. Godzilla might be a nuclear badass, but there is clearly only one of him, and once hes gone, how does the line continue? Honda and the original creators semi-answered this by giving us Monster Island, a hub where all manner of giant flora and fauna live. The implication of that is there maybe female zillas hanging around somewhere (never mind, that just the right conditions came together to make Big G in the first place). Godzilla does have a son, Minya (Godzookey if you were a kid in the 70s and liked stupid crap), but we never see mom or get any plausible explanation of where he came from; did she leave them both to jump town with Rodan, or did Godzilla push him out on his/her own? So, in one of those mightily stupid attempts to give some scientific plausibility to the character, Godzilla goes from being a massively-powered, atomic T-Rex, to a frightened, on-the-run, gender neutral Iguana with the agility of a 100-ft kangaroo and capacity to impregnate itself. Little to no explanation other than irradiated dinosaur was offered up for the first Big G, but talking faux-science makes the audience restless and ready to poke holes in your half-baked ideas. Saying that radiation would turn an iguana into a gigantic saurian capable of reproducing itself and firing off atomic breath in the transformative space of a single life-span is like suggesting that the right amount of uranium will turn a human being into a telepathic land sloth with the ability to fly. Per the usual, set all of the glaring logical inconsistencies aside, and realize that this choice is stupid not because of the bad science, but because its just bad storytelling and doesnt work at all for the character. Taking a monster that has long represented primal aggression and mans technological avarice and turning it into a maternally motivated sissy that spends the movie hiding is to upend everything that was powerful or interesting about the character to begin with. Theres no respect shown for the idea, and thats why it doesnt work; its ostensibly there so we can have a Jurassic Park-esque scene of hundreds of raptor-size mini Godzillas overrunning Madison Square Gardens and an eye-rolling moment where G nudges the dead babies and wails out mournful despair. Please, give me a break.