1. Roosevelt Sent Him To Fight Commies in South America
It was 1941 and, although the US was about to step lugubriously into war, the Red Scare was at full swing at home and in the colonies. American men were throwing out their wives' rouge and began searing the pink out their meat in case someone were to accuse them of being a commie at a dinner party! Something had to be done to stop those dirty liberals in the South from spreading northwards and putting America in a political chokehold. Something drastic, something idealistic, something capitalist! "I know!" mused Roosevelt, "I'll get that fella Disney to nip on a plane and show all those would-be reds the sweet smell of green paper!" And so, Disney et plane nipped southwards and embarked on a goodwill trip to all the main threats to consumerism and money-grabbing hegemony. The problem was, that back home in 'The House the Mouse Built' the masses were on strike due to Disney reading a psychology book which told him if he made salary adjustments rather than giving the bonuses hed promised, all would be fine in the minds of the minions. It wasnt. So on his return from the future playground of exiled Nazis he was forced to sign agreements with those damned dirty unions. Disney didn't let this bout of employee dissatisfaction scupper his holiday, though. He took a few photographers and artists with him and, on their way to a monument here or fiesta there, they brushed off the crowds of journalists waiting for them in airport terminals like dandruff on their minks. For the most part, the goodwill sojourn was ultimately a success. Newspapers didn't dwell too much on the strike back home and Disney's image of a corporate tapeworm with as much remorse for poor working conditions as a Chinese sweatshop owner, was glossed with a cartoonish gurn worthy of Mickey himself.