2. There's Nothing More Appropriately Funny and Altogether Sad Than Telling a Child They Don't Have Enough Money to Purchase Something
There is a special place in hell for people who laugh at children, and maybe working at the movie theater has just made me bitter against the idea of a kid walking up and taking something away from me (that's not even mine to begin with). But because they have money,
it's their right. And this is all very strange to me, because I really love kids. I've worked at camps and taught gymnastics and spent my whole life around kids. We're buds. But, Lord, nothing is funnier than when a kid walks up to the concession stand and is three dollars short. The conversation plays out a little bit like this: "Hey, buddy, you've got to have two more dollars to get this popcorn." "Oh..." *his head starts to shrink in like an ashamed turtle. His hands drop to his side like gravity's pulling him to earth's core. And in his eyes, I can already see the fantasy playing out that I'm about to ask him to get in the cage we have in the back room for stupid little boys who are bad at math and are going to starve because they couldn't get popcorn as their last meal. Then, they run away. I might be awful, but parents, if you really want to give back to the theater, just send us your kids a few quarters short. It sickeningly brightens up our day.