5. Jiminy Cricket Fails At His Job On Every Conceivable Level
The Movie:Pinocchio "Let your conscience be your guide!" This has become an iconic phrase in its own right, and one which we associate with a little fellow named Jiminy Cricket, a pint-sized chap sporting a bowler hat and cane, employed by the Blue Fairy to guide the wooden boy who wants to be a real one in Disney classic
Pinocchio. That's right: Jiminy Cricket is assigned (and presumably employed, though I'm not sure how that works) to be Pinocchio's conscience. Now recall how ineffective Jiminy must have been when you remember this movie ends with Pinocchio inside a whale. Because, let's face it, Jiminy is just about the worst conscience in the history of consciences. I don't know what the heck the Blue Fairy thought she was doing when she appointed this guy, because he can't get Pinocchio to do anything. When he makes a suggestion, or advises Pinocchio to do something good, Pinocchio just ignores him. When Jiminy explains that Pinocchio belongs in school, Pinocchio runs off with the circus. Don't go with the evil fox character, says Jiminy. Pinocchio just goes anyway. Don't lie. Pinocchio does the complete opposite: he lies. Even at the end of the movie, Pinocchio learns all of his lessons because he's acted like an utter jerk for the entire length of the narrative, and not because Jiminy does anything to persuade him. This would be all right if Jiminy was just another character - one who just happened to be friends with Pinocchio or something. But Jiminy's job was to imbue this stuck up wooden moron with some morals. I suppose it doesn't help that he's only the size of a small rock, but why did the Blue Fairy give him such a troubling position in the first place? He might as well not have existed.