8 Commandments All Movies Must Follow

Each film is different, and each filmgoer desires different things from the experience. Some define themselves by the art in which they engage in, whilst others desire only a momentary distraction from the real world, something to pass the time and occupy the mind before the rigors of jobs, families, school, etc. etc. That said, there are certain aspects of movies that we can probably come to consensus on. There are recurring problems and annoyances that crop up again and again that we, as a film-going public, can point to and request improvement. Asking for a few guiding principles to hold Hollywood to as it churns out product doesn€™t seem to be too out of line. But who to come up with these guidelines, these rules? Who would suppose themselves wise enough to command power over all tastes and beliefs? Who has such a colossal ego, such an inflated opinion of themselves and their own intellect, that they would dare impose their beliefs and ideas on other people? Let€™s do this.

8. A Movie Must€Tell A Complete Story

Movie-going, it€™s a time and money-consuming affair, no? You need to clear time to do it, an ordeal that€™s difficulty is multiplied five or six times over once you start factoring in kids, work, appointments, schedules and all the other hassles that the modern world pummels each individual with. And if you do get out to the movie theater there€™s no guarantee that you won€™t be subjected to seat kickers, cell-phone talkers, talking-to-the-screeners, or crying babies. So if you€™ve gone through all that to get yourself into the theater, in your seat, money paid up front, it€™s safe to say that you€™ve earned the right for a complete theatrical experience, right? So why, time after time after time, do we get movies that feel like extended prologues for larger stories? Why are we forking our money over to be subjected to two hour long pilot episodes of theoretical franchises? This especially strikes films in the fantasy genre, where the entire film will be jam-packed with naked exposition and plot-mechanics, leaving no room for drama or actual story. The film is so busy setting up the players for The Next One, that they forget to give the audience a reason to give half a crap about anything they are seeing on screen. It is easy to see why. Everyone is chasing the Harry Potter model, trying to create the self-perpetuating machine that was that franchise. But what all these pretenders to the throne forget is that the first two Harry Potter movies are completely self-contained. They tell complete, open-and-closed stories that are fully resolved by the end of the loooooong run times. Leaving plot threads dangling, ending on cliffhangers, all of that began in the third movie, by which time it had become abundantly clear that the audience wasn€™t going anywhere. I can hear the keyboards tapping as someone writes a comment protesting about how Harry Potter€™s story involved prophecies and Horcruxes and epic battles and a complex mythology that began in those first two books/movies. While that€™s true, all those details came up later. JK Rowling expanded on the mythology of the story as it went along, refining upon the established details to layer in much more complex explanations for what was happening in those first stories. But those first two books/movies didn€™t need more detail to work as stories. Rowling is just a gifted enough writer that both the fairy tale logic and the complex explanations worked perfectly and in tangent with each other. So basically, if for some reason Britain got blipped off the face of the Earth, if like Dr. Who got hit by a truck and couldn€™t stop that week€™s alien invasion, those first two stories would still be complete stories. That€™s where everyone else keeps screwing up. And the reason it is so frustrating is because the setting-up of future installments (that almost never actually come) only detracts from any potential enjoyment of the actual film. You know, the one you paid all that money and went through all that hassle to see. Please filmmakers, just tell a damn story. A beginning, a middle, an end. Tell a good, compelling, complete story and your audience will happily come back again and again to see those characters in new situations.
 
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Contributor
Contributor

Brendan Foley is a pop-culture omnivore which is a nice way of saying he has no taste. He has a passion for genre movies, TV shows, books and any and all media built around short people with hairy feet and magic rings. He has a Bachelor's degree in Journalism and Writing, which is a very nice way of saying that he's broke. You can follow/talk to/yell at him on Twitter at @TheTrueBrendanF.