Blu-ray Review: COBRA - Classic 80's Stallone Gets A Disappointing Upgrade!

Love him or hate him, Sylvester Stallone has provided cinemagoers with some classically cheesy action-thrillers over the years. Cobra - released today on Blu-ray for the first time in the U.K. - is a prime example. Full of shotguns, explosions, psychos, super cops, high-speed car chases, dodgy 80s power ballads and enough one liners to sink a battleship... Our review follows. A gang of neo-Nazi hoodlums are led by the mentally unhinged 'Night Slasher', a serial killer who has been breaking into random people's homes and cars, killing them brutally with a range of silent weapons (anything from a claw hammer to a razor-sharp blade of some kind). Lt. Marian €˜Cobra€™ Cobretti (Sylvester Stallone) - a forceful, ruthless cop - is brought onto the scene when one of the deranged thugs takes over a supermarket holding numerous customers hostage. Attempting to end the hostage situation, Cobretti enters the shop only to overhear the hoodlum€™s bizarre rants of a 'New World'. Diffusing the situation when he kills the psycho, Cobretti is concerned when he finds that another murder occurs later that night. With the €˜Night Slasher€™ still at large the murders continue. When young model Ingrid Knutsen (Brigitte Nielson) witnesses one of the murders she€™s lucky to stay alive. Managing to drive away before the €˜Night Slasher€™ and his gang can kill her, she soon finds that they won€™t stop until they€™ve finished their job. With a number of attempts made on her life Cobretti is brought in to protect her. But could an inside traitor ruin his plans to move this valuable witness out of the city and end up forcing them into a battle for survival against the crew? Cobra is one of those films that I remembered enjoying in my pre-teen years at a mates sleepover. In all honesty, the more I remembered the film the more I think it was probably the thought that we'd been allowed to rent an 18 from Blockbuster! Watching as a 24 year old now, the film remains an entertaining - albeit cheesy - watch, but its flaws are far more evident. Very much a product of its time, Cobra will look extremely dated to contemporary audiences. From the unstylish fashions of Brigitte Nielson's modelling scene to the aesthetics of the multiple locations, the film fails to be relatable on any level for today's viewer. Other more simple elements make the film just as laughable. For example, the scene where a police sketch artist draws the villain from Nielson's description causes out-loud laughter - in the words of my never normally funny wife, "A stick man would look more like him!" Having said that, Cobra is still highly entertaining for the right reasons when taken for what it is. There are moments where the action is engaging and exciting: notably the opening supermarket scene, which paves the way for Stallone's quintessential line in response to the villain's threat to blow up the building, "It's ok, I don't shop here!" Other moments that were intended to be tense are plagued with irritating slow motion sequences that are supposed to heighten the terror, but fail to. Essentially, Cobra is a contradiction: it's entertaining to a certain extent with its engaging and exciting action sequences, but it's also painfully funny in places that aren't intended to be. The quality of the acting is also a let down. Whilst Sylvester Stallone is not often considered a fine actor, his performance here takes the dark, brooding leading man persona to whole new heights. His mumbled speech (further impaired by his insistence to chew on things like matches at times) is at its worst and his performance feels uncomfortable in many scenes. Whilst this probably isn't as bad as his turn in Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (which to be fair, he is at least funny in!) this is by no means equivalent to the relative talent he evokes in Rocky. Brigitte Nielson is similarly poor, giving a stilted and unconvincing performance as the innocent victim who witnesses the villains commuting murder. Spending most of her time screaming and being generally pathetic, her range consists of heavy breathing and irrational wails. Far more suited to roles where she can camp it up as an over the top bad girl (ala Beverly Hills Cop II), she fails to impress here. ?? as the psychotic serial killer on a fanatical mission uses his odd looks to full advantage to give a performance full of unsettling, intense stares and creepy, sadistic looks. However, this is the extent of his performance and whilst he does appear rather menacing, he is also something straight out of comic book. The supporting cast are little better than the leads, with nobody really standing out as exceptional.

QUALITY

The picture quality of Cobra is not exactly spectacular. Whilst it undoubtedly improves upon previous standard definition releases, the HD transfer is full of grain virtually throughout. Some scenes do appear clear and give a sharper definition than previously - close ups generally seem to fare the best here - but these are counter-balanced by the quantity of poorer scenes. The incessant disturbance means that the film looks older than its 25 years and the special effects betray its age further. The colour palette is extremely gloomy and depressing for the most part, with much of the narrative set in late night New York. It's not until the final showdown that the screen bursts alive with colour. Set in a more rural location, bright blue sky fills the screen, which contrasts with the deep and vibrant greenery of the location. Burning reds and oranges illuminate the screen when a series of explosions set alight the whitewashed walls of the motel Cobretti and Ingrid escape to. These final explosions of colour are definitely worth waiting for and finally demonstrate the quality of the high def transfer. Audio quality is rather poor as well, with the dialogue being far too quiet throughout. Probably not helped by Stallone's insistence on mumbling all of his lines and the main villain's grainy, husky voice. Action sounds are far louder, which can become uncomfortably loud due to the daft the television has to be turned up so much for the dialogue to be audible. Gunshots and explosions, as well as a host of other special effects sounds, fill the speakers to make the audio full and expressive. However, this is all well and good until they drown out any of the actors' lines.

EXTRAS

This new release sees the following bonus materials on offer for viewers: Audio commentary with Director George P. Cosmatos €“ Rather slow and dull, Cosmatos spends much of his time narrating the action on screen! Occasionally a small nugget of information on the script, shooting, location or the like arises, but not enough to warrant a listen to this commentary. Making Of Featurette €“ Standard fare, this is a relatively interesting piece with cast and crew interviews. However, groundbreaking or absorbing it is not. An Original Trailer rounds up the special features. Film: 2.5 out of 5 Very much of its time, Cobra is a mix of cheesy 80s action and even cheesier one-liners. When viewed with this frame of mind it's an entertaining watch, but it's far from being one of the classic action greats from the period. Visuals: 2 out of 5 Not the best HD transfer of a film from the period, Cobra looks much older than its 25 years due to the amount of grain and other interference on the picture. Some scenes are clear and crisp, but the imperfections are too hard to ignore. Audio: 1 out of 5 Dialogue is often marred by other sounds, but these do fill the full range of speakers to provide an intense sound experience. Extras: 2 out of 5 An informative and entertaining range of extras are included on the disc. The audio commentary is paltry, but the making of documentary may be of interest to some. Presentation: 4 out of 5 The iconic image of Stallone with his black aviators and laser aimed machine gun adorns the front cover and is quite possibly much cooler than the film itself. The menu is simple but easy to navigate. Overall: 3 out of 5 A relatively strong release for a film that doesn't really deserve an extensive one, Cobra is entertaining when regarded as a cheesy, throwaway 80s action flick. However, there are much better ones out there that deserve to upgraded to a Blu-ray release... Cobra is out now on Blu-ray.