Dear Hollywood, You never cease to amaze. You really don't. Every time some so-ridiculous-it-can't-be-true story about a bizarre film entering development hits and we all think this is the point where things enter self-parody, another comes along to make the previous look utterly normal. A live-action remake of every single Disney animated movie directed by some director emulating Tim Burton or Tim Burton? Nah, we can top that, how about an emoji movie? Not totally unwanted? Then what about a Die Hard prequel, subtitled Year One because even non-Batman movies can't get over that comic? And it's happened again. Only this time it's the biggie. The one that finally convinces me I've accidentally passed over into a world where some pre-eminent cinematic power wasn't born and the whole world's become Pottersville. The glitch that reveals my entire reality is a computer simulation. Or, perhaps most aptly, the traumatic event that makes me want to forget everything and live an empty life based on a lie. You finally, really did it Hollywood - you're remaking Memento. Yes, Memento. The indie smash of 2000, the launch pad for Christopher Nolan's entire career, the movie that sat proudly alongside Fight Club on many a student's DVD shelf and, most importantly, a film that still holds up remarkably well. What are you thinking? Oh, and I'm not even going to start trying to hope it'll be canned. This isn't some scant possibility, like that mooted It's A Wonderful Life sequel that got everyone anti-hyped a few years back - AMBI Pictures have the rights to the film (they recently bought the Exclusive Media Group library, which also includes Cruel Intentions, Donnie Darko, Sliding Doors) and are actively moving it into production. You are doing this in spite of all better judgement and I just... I just can't . Memento is fifteen years old. It's universally beloved and, as the official announcement by Andrea Iervolino stated, is rewatched to this day. Surely that should tell you everything? It's already a perfect movie, from the ingenious script (I don't need to tell you the brilliance of its backwards-forwards storytelling) to the stark, naturalistic editing. I know this is just one studio making one movie, but it's the culmination of everything wrong at the very heart of Hollywood. Here's the thing. I'm not really upset about you remaking one of my favourite films (although certainly has a part in it); I'm upset you're doing it in favour of making original, exciting movies. You see, the Memento remake is actually just the latest step in a story that once held a lot of potential; AMBI recently launched a $200 million fund to make a range of films in the $10 - $40 million price bracket. That was groundbreaking - those are, to use the old cliche, the exact sort of movies they don't make any more. Nowadays movies typically fall into two types; the super indie or the massive blockbuster. One is made for peanuts, so needs little footfall to make money back and if it doesn't then it's not a massive loss, even if that limits creativity. The other yields impressive profits, but such high sums needs as broad a product as possible. Both sides of the coin lead to great movies (and a lot of dross), but it's hardly a great, functioning system. In the past things used to be more varied, with budgets running the full range; back in the nineties in particular the indie scene had a mainstream boost and low-to-mid budgeted movies became the hot ticket - Se7en, The Usual Suspects, Good Will Hunting, arguably (given its slighter cost) Pulp Fiction. Heck, this is where Memento itself came from. So many 90s classics come from this meeting of creative and financial wants and the continued legacy of these movies should alone speak of this approach's worth. And that's saying nothing of New Hollywood. Sadly that just isn't viable any more, at least not in your eyes. The risky prospect of a box office success in the face of increased competition from the home market and fickle audience demands mean that these sort of movies, which come in on the cheap end of the scale but are expensive enough they can't quite guarantee a profit when put up against the latest superhero flick, are viewed as proper gambles. So you just stopped making them. This certainly isn't helped when the few movies that do get made in this band (usually due to a high profile director or star) bombs thanks to mishandled marketing - just look at the Boyle-Sorkin-Fassbender Steve Jobs, a great movie that sank quicker than a water-damaged iPhone in the bath - but stop acting like people don't want this sort of media. If we can't get smart stories that ask real, human questions, we'll just go elsewhere. Recently that gulf has been filled by TV, with the industry-wide upping of the game leading to a run of best-ever shows it's getting impossible to keep on top of them all. And that only draws in more talent. The Golden Age has seen many A-List actors (and, it must be said, directors) make the leap to the small screen, taking on roles with depth and nuance that are just not present in the mainstream studio system; Billy Bob Thornton, Matthew McConaughey, Kevin Bacon, Kevin Spacey - all happily shifted to go to where the interesting characters are. But while that makes Netflix one of the greatest pastimes, it greatly hurts out movies. This AMBI deal was going to help us return to the old ways, where going to the cinema wasn't just a choice between overly decadent CGI and financially-required minimalism. What did they decide to do? The same sh*t that you, Hollywood, have been doing for decades. Creativity is dead. So please don't remake Memento. Make something new. Do something exciting. All you can hope to get from this is to recoup your money, unlikely anyway because fans of the original won't turn out for this obvious baiting, and a bunch of people making jokes about Hollywood-wide short-term memory loss. Is it really worth it? Yours Sincerely, The Internet Memen2o will regrettably be cinemas eventually.
