5. Earth vs. The Spider (1958)
Once MST3K fodder, "Earth vs. The Spider" is a fairly entertaining and legendary B-monster movie that tries for Godzilla proportions of terror and awe and doesn't quite reach that pantheon. However, it is still a nice footnote in giant monster movies featuring a giant trained tarantula and hordes of helpless sock hoppers who fall prey to its predatory hunting. While "Earth vs. The Spider" has its fair share of camp and tedium, it's a rather enjoyable monster movie with camp value that I don't mind re-visiting whenever I can find the time. And if you're not sold on it, just visit it with Joel, Crow, and Tom Servo. That always helps.
4. Arachnophobia (1990)
I dare you not to feel at least a bit itchy while watching this early nineties horror comedy about a small town overrun by vicious spiders that have a knack for burrowing in to people's mouths while they eat and sleep. "Arachnophobia" confronts every arachnophobe's worst fear. From spiders out of the shower, spiders in our food, spiders in the crevices of our house, there isn't a single corner the spiders in this film don't dwell. And to add more ick factor, there's a show down with a humongous spider that rules the roost. "Arachnophobia" is a wonderfully underrated dark comedy that really relies on the viewer's squeamish factor to get the plot going, and there's so much horror to be had here, as well as some interesting animal choreography. Things really pick up when John Goodman enters the scene as a kick ass exterminator who revels in killing pests. I know I'm not the only one who grinned when Goodman's character Delbert stepped on a spider declaring "Yeah, that's right... I'm bad!"
3. Earth vs. The Spider (2001)
This is often an overlooked and extremely obscure film, and for good reason. It's a relative rip-off of David Cronenberg's "The Fly." But that doesn't mean it lacks entertainment value. Back when Stan Winston was fueling low budget loose remakes of classic B movies, "Earth vs. The Spider" was introduced and oddly enough didn't feature Earth fighting a giant spider. This 2001 in name only remake features a low level lab guard obsessed with comic books and superheroes. Convinced he'll become a web slinging superhero and earn the love of his dreamy next door neighbor, he injects himself with a top secret toxin in the lab and soon finds that the results of the injection give him more than capable of spider abilities. He soon garners super human strength and begins murdering criminals, but before long takes on the physical attributes of a man spider and begins murdering innocent victims along with helpless animals. This 2001 retread works as a guilty pleasure with some interesting tension, gruesome special effects, and features performances from Dan Akroyd as a detective, and John Cho as a comic book store owner.
2. Spider Baby, or The Maddest Story Ever Told (1968)
Do you want to play "spider"? Directed by Jack Hill of "Coffy" and "Foxxy Brown" fame, "Spider-Baby" is a once lost cinematic horror comedy gem that was recently restored and re-released with a crisp special edition. "Spider-Baby" sets down on the Merrye family, a once prominent aristocratic family who live in a rundown mansion at the top of a hill. Now a reclusive clan, they're kept contained and isolated by their loyal butler (Lon Chaney Jr.) as the fully grown children of the family run amok in the house. After years of inbreeding, the three remaining children (one of whom is a young Sid Haig) are mentally digressing and will soon become cannibalistic monsters if they get a taste for human blood. Featuring a dazzling performance from Jill Banner, "Spider Baby" features Banner as young Virginia who enjoys a good game of "spider" which involves snaring people in her own specially made webs and hacking them to pieces with her special butcher knives while feeding their parts to her special pet spiders. "Spider Baby" is a demented horror comedy and one that will make you re-think trying to crawl in to a window again.
1. Charlotte's Web (1973)
Young pig Wilbur loves his life. He has a loyal trusting master, and lives on a farm with an assortment of other animals. But the day may come when the local farmer may want to serve him up for supper and he fears for his own mortality. To help Wilbur extend his stay of execution, the friendly spider in the barn agrees to spin webs filled with messages from Wilbur and soon Wilbur becomes the talk of the town. "Charlotte's Web" is an adorable and sweet tale of friendship between a benevolent spider and an optimistic pig, both of whom form a symbiotic relationship in the wilderness. With a bittersweet climax, "Charlotte's Web" is wonderful tale of love and affection between two completely different individuals in a cruel world.