Mike hates it WHEN EVIL CALLS

Available on DVD from Amazon priced at £10.98 Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! Ok, calm. Calm. Breathe Mike. Although, with the remaining adrenaline rush I may just hunt down and kill director Johannes Roberts and his team of brain-damaged writers who saw fit to inflict this pile of crap on the world. I felt like I'd just had human faeces wiped in my eyes after an hour and a half of what is possibly the worst mini series ever made. Originally distributed for exhibition on mobile phones (I do not jest my firends) this tripe has somehow made it's way to DVD and it's not pretty. Everything is based on a single concept: students at a small British school get a text offering them one wish (the whole saga appears to be inaugurated by a freaky clown who appears from nowhere) and when they make the wish it comes true, but in the most predictable way possible, involving death or mutilation in the most feasible way using only corn syrup, red-food dye and some plastic body parts. The DVD is composed of a 'movie', being the 20 wish sketches crammed together and it really gets tiring by the end. There is nothing actually disgusting or scary in all the attempts to shock, in fact the only disgusting thing about this DVD is the constant attempts to make it 'sexy' by dressing all the female pupils of the school in short skirts and occasionally having them get their tits out. What's more, the writers capability for comedy is limited to puns and puns alone: the deaths are puns, the mutilations are puns and if that wasn't enough every single mini-episode/wish scene is introduced by a pitifully acted and unbearably scripted janitor who does nothing but spout puns! I think that I'm now suffering from pun saturation, if I see one more pun in the next week I will have some sort of total organ failure. So be careful in your comments on this or OWF may lose a reviewer. Aside from the barrage of flaws from which this feeble shit is spun, there are plenty of other problems I can hold up to you all as the figurative head-on-a-spike to warn you off. WHEN EVIL CALLS was originally a 20 episode mini-series, that's 20 short (maybe 5 minute) episodes. In each one when someone gets the text we lose 30 precious seconds simply seeing "CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE WON A WISH" etc flash up on screen to the same damn music every time, every character who recurs is introduced with the same stereotypes to establish their role in the sketch, and each of these hideous caricatures grows about as much as my toenails have in the time I've spent writing this review. Please don't watch this, and please please please don't send your money buying it. If my review has failed to persuade you the guilt will hang over me for laugh, and possibly in result in my eternal damnation in the afterlife. Extras are a pointless "Making Of Documentary" which makes this sound like it might not be shit, and also illustrates quite nicely the fact that everyone involved couldn't decide if it was meant to be funny, ironic or scary and thus failed to make it any of it. Oh, and the obligatory trailers.