FILM FAIL # 4 - Five Things That Annoy Me About Movies Today...
A hall of fame celebrating the very worst of film. I am generally a very patient film viewer who is able to have a laugh no matter what I'm watching. Whether that involves holding my tongue if I'm sitting down to view one of the High School Musical films with my younger sister or shaking my head and smiling at Kate Hudson rom-com vehicles which I appreciate have their own target audience and do a good job of catering to them. There are certain occasions however when I find it impossible not to tut and moan and annoy everyone in the room by going on a rant about the stupid trends that exist in mainstream film. Today's article is dedicated to those trends.
5.) THE VOICEOVER
I think I can count on one hand the amount of times I've heard a compelling voiceover. A voiceover that actually tells the audience something about the character and manipulates or subverts their expectations in an intelligent and well structured manner. Most of the time however the device is just indulgently used to inform audience members about something which they can already decipher from the images on screen. Using script format here is a typical example of what I mean: INT. BIG HOUSE IN THE COUNTRY / BEDROOM. DAY.
A child plays with her toys in a large, lavish bedroom. She sighs. Her eyes stare to the ground.
VOICEOVER: We lived in a big house in the country and all I had for company was my masses of toys. Seriously is this the kind of information that we need to be spoon-fed? What does this it tell us that we couldn't already figure out for ourselves. And yet time and time again I see this laboured form of voiceover which obviously tries to use the device to create that extra feeling of warmth in order to absorb the attention of the viewer. There is however nothing more irritating than going on a journey with a film only to suddenly have a voice emerge and tell you what it is happening as if you are still in primary school. Whenever I watch Badlands however I am reminded that the voiceover can play a vital role in our understanding of the characters and the story. In this film the device is expertly used to create a contrasting effect in which a young female character coats a romantic edge around images which are rather more unsettling. As such the voiceover comments on the naïve nature of a young woman and how she has intepreted a frankly disturbing series of events. Unfortunately such examples are one in a thousand.4.) THE FLASHBACK
In most cases a flashback is just a way of the film telling you that they have done an unconvincing job of making you feel the required amount of empathy for the character. This is not true of all cases but as an example let's say that a war veteran is discussing his experiences and we see images of what he went through. This is nowhere near as powerful as a good actor, shaking and his eyes on the brink of tears as he struggles to tell someone that he went through hell back there. It is always much more interesting as a viewer to try and draw up the images inside our own mind and the flashback is irritating because often it prevents the audience from using their own imagination. Of course there are exceptions to the rule, a key one being of course the numerous flashbacks used in Orson Welles' Citizen Kane. 
Here the device cleverly works in unison with the storyline as detectives try and piece together clues about a man's dying words through all the people who were important figures during his life. This form of flashback also gives the audience a sense of enpowerment as we are the only ones to realise the significance of the word Rosebud. Flashback can be used as an art form just like any other film device but it is also excessively misused in numerous mainstream films which hapharzadly try and portay some key backstory that they hope will immediately heighten our sense of empathy towards the main character. 3.) GLASSES EQUALS GEEK
There is nothing about the process of wearing glasses that actually turns you into a geek. It's not like you put them on and you suddenly have a deep urge to go on a Super Mario Binge and act all awkward and lurchy. You can have geeky tendencies no matter what you look like. Hollywood don't seem to understand this concept however as two recurring trends always seem to transpire in their pictures. 1.) A female character who buries herself into her work and who has forgotten how to have fun will be a glasses wearer. This also means that we must see her as intelligent and well read. When she begins to unwind and have fun the glasses coming off will be used as a symbol of her freedom. 2.) As if by magic as soon as the glasses have come off everyone around her seems to suddenly see said woman as the sexiest babe in the world even though it was blatantly obvious how pretty there were in the first place. 
I mean is Ugly Betty an actual joke? Are the people behind the series mocking Hollywood in their depiction of how their industry sees an apparent ugly woman? That a ponytail and glasses automatically provides connotations of being unappealing and unattractive? Of course the most ludicrous and hilarious example occurs in the abysmal She's All That when the obviously stunning female protagonist undergoes an incredible transformation. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3r2Ih1-mVs Damn. I missed a trick there. If only I took my glasses off and straightened my hair and suddenly people would realise that I actually look like Brad Pitt. What a shambles. 2.) ONE MONTH LATER
Unless it is used in a historical film where the dates are particularly important this device really gets under my skin. Often it is not needed at all because you can already tell from the behaviour and attitude of the characters that a significant amount of time has passed. And even when you need the audience to understand that a certain amount of time has elapsed for the purpose of the storyline there are so many subtler ways to go about it. You can naturally get across it in the dialogue of the characters or you can use an image which will inform the audience that there has been a change in date. Hell, just use a shot of the weather and people will get the message. For a young girl emerging into a teenager we don't need to know that she has aged three years we can just be shown the contrasting nature of her bedroom and the different posters that exist on her walls.\ Or typical of a horror film if the characters have ended up in some sort of trouble and the film wants us to realise that eight months have passed since the incident a simple radio broadcast or television presenter could announce the date in a more effective and naturalistic manner than elaborately plastering the change in date across a big, black screen. In my opinion it just looks amateurish and lazy and it appears surprisingly often in good Hollywood films. 1.) PUBLIC ARGUMENTS IN ROMANTIC COMEDIES
This is without doubt my number one pet hate in mainstream film. When two couples engage in a heated but ultimately light hearted argument in the middle of a restaurant and all the customers get involved and take sides. If you are trying to eat and relax in the company of family or friends the last thing you want to hear is two strangers bickering. You might be mildly curious but at no point would you take it upon herself to turn around and triumphantly bellow something along the lines of you go girl. Depicting the characters extras play as robots who are perfectly happy to witness and get involved in what is supposed to be a private argument just makes the whole scene seem gimmicky and stupid. And whilst rom-coms are supposed to be somewhat silly they are always funnier when grounded in a certain element of realism. Anyway that's enough ranting today from this grumpy young git. Thanks for reading and you can look forward to another installment of Film Fail next week.