G.I. JOE 2: RETALIATION Trailer Brings Explosions, Leather & Swords!
This newly released trailer does not just elevate GI Joe into the world of ‘watchable’. It makes it more important than being there at your child’s birth.
Whats this? A seriously themed and important title? Serious drum beat soundtrack whilst the characters are introduced with flashes of slow motion and looking seriously off into the distance. Wheres the leather? Wheres the borderline sado-masichism? Wheres Sienna Miller pretending that pouting= acting talent? Wheres Joseph Gordon-Levitt embarrassing himself wearing a mask that only a B movie serial rapist would wear and not succeed in because any potential victim would be too busy pissing themselves with laughter at the sheer over the top this cant be serious of it all? WHERES THE LEATHER!? Could this be? No surely not...But it could. Could this be a serious, tense action thriller about the betrayal of an army core and military espionage that follows as they try to right the wrongs unjustly done against them? Oh wait...Ive just got to 44 seconds; and a man dressed head to toe in leather is dragged into a cage with a metal rod wrapped around his neck; no I havent clicked on my home page and am accidentally watching an elaborate and provocative form of Benghazi pornography. Im watching GI Joe; doing what it does best. Indeed, far departing from the original which played out like something a group of testosterone pumped 13 year olds would write in the back of their maths book, only to wank with the pages later. The sequel has gone for well...The same. Because apparently all audiences need is mindless titillation in the form of leather suits that dont have to be sewn on, they have to be genetically implanted into a persons skin to then manifest themselves onto the body of their wearers. I have nothing but the utmost respect for GI Joe actresses, wearing those suits all day must be like spending a day in the land of chaffing, rubbing their chaffing loins with chaff inducing cream and then sexually gratifying a 4 foot wide piece of wood. If people are willing to do that to be in a movie, they deserve everything they get. So yes, there isnt a lot to say about this trailer except for expect more (by the way, sorry for putting EXCEPT and EXPECT within two words of each other, I just read that back and realised what an evil bastard I am): explosions, leather, sword fights, leather, girl on girl fights only used to make fan boys wet themselves, leather; you get the jist. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSX2oxLdcWA&feature=player_embedded Although...Theres something else. Something more, not only is there Dwayne The Rock Johnson there to do what he does best and sexually assault your eyes into submission with fist pumping action sequences. But theres Bruce Willis...Bruce Willis. He has one line in the trailer. It isnt funny; I once had a testicular exam and it was funnier than that line (the gel tickles). But there he is. Shooting his way on screen whilst laying down in the back of a pick up truck. This newly released trailer does not just elevate GI Joe into the world of watchable. It makes it more important than being there at your childs birth. More important than being there at your childs conception. It makes it a must see; it makes it epic. Verdict: See it! Dwayne Johnson, Bruce Willis, leather? (Not...together, obviously). Got to see. Just to see how gloriously bad its going to be. G.I. Joe 2 will open on June 29, 2012.