Half-Life Movie: 10 Ways JJ Abrams Could Make It Work

6. To Say Nothing Of Enjoyable Cannon Fodder

Ah, Redshirts With 2009's Star Trek, J.J. Abrams threw down the redshirt gauntlet. He's now responsible for creating the most painful, humiliating, and, therefore, amusing redshirt death in Trek's history. And God bless him for it. Abrams is one sadistic, schmaltzy bastard, with a wide variety of unpleasant onscreen fatalities to his credit. And he's managed to make audiences squirm in their seats without ever getting an R-rating. Keri Russell's brain explosion in Mission Impossible III perfectly demonstrates his gift for showing audiences just enough for them to imagine something much worse. Scientists are the redshirts of Half-Life. Valve took great delight in exterminating Black Mesa's scientists with extreme prejudice. The introduction of a new monster or game mechanic in Half-Life 1 required the death of at least one scientist. Some poor researcher was around every corner, in order to show players a new monster that was lurking around the corner after that. Said monster couldn't wait to show Gordon Freeman the new, inventive way it discovered to bite people's faces off, allowing players to avoid the fate of the latest poor bastard who rued the day he ever put on a lab coat and headed to Black Mesa. I can't begin to imagine all the terrible things Abrams and Valve would have in store for Half-Life's supporting cast, but I'd love to see Abrams unleashed with an R-rating. A Half-Life movie needs an adult rating to work, but Abrams should - and most likely would - leave just enough to the imagination to make Half-Life a truly frightening experience.
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Jeremy Wickett was raised from an early age in one of Broken Arrow, Oklahoma's classier opium dens. A graduate of The University of Oklahoma, he now resides in Phoenix, Arizona - where the desert heat is oppressive enough to make him hallucinate that he's a character in Star Wars. And of course he can speak Bocce - it's like a second language to him. His so-called musings can be found here: http://geekemporium.blogspot.com/