Harry Potter & The Cursed Child: 18 Biggest WTF Moments

There are a couple of things wrong with the idea that Voldemort would have sex, even. First, he's barely human, having transformed his body making Horcruxes: are you suggesting to me that he lost his nose, turned into a snake-man and his penis and testicles are in perfect functional order? Please.

Male fertility is a mine-field. If you so much as eat a cheese sandwich before you go on the job it lowers your sperm count. Slicing off bits of your soul is not sound bodily health.

Voldemort didn't even have enough human in him to die (as per Hagrid), there's no way he was capable of siring a child.

And then there's the idea of him actually doing it. It might correlate slightly with that unexplained moment when Harry experiences Voldemort in great pleasure (which fans often pick up on as orgasmic), but the idea of him actually having sex is just unthinkable. It's too human, and too caring (though there is something brilliant in the idea of a cold Voldemort lying perfectly still and unenthusiastically impregnating Bellatrix).