INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL Blu-Ray Review
I was lucky to be old enough to see at least one of the original INDIANA JONES films at the cinema. That film was THE LAST CRUSADE and I remember that cinematic experience vividly: The sheer audacity of that breathtaking opening train sequence, the all impending sense of doom when Jones and Jones Senior were hopelessly tied up in a burning Venice building, the sweepingly real blimp set piece, as it lifted into the sky and majestically filled the widescreen the thrilling climatic tank sequence that sees the vehicle eventually hurtle over a cliff, all were (at least for a young nipper of 10) startlingly cinematic set-pieces that reassured the tangible impact of cinema. As the title seemed to suggest this indeed would be the Last Crusade and I cherished my cinematic event for years to come knowing that I had witnessed (in my mind) something rare and truly spectacular. But then something strange and almost seemingly impossible happened.
After almost 20 years I was back in the auditorium, a grown man still excited about the movies, seated to watch another adventure from the same wizards who mastered the original three films. The wonder and excitement suddenly came rushing back to methat was until about five seconds into the film when I was confronted by a cartoon mole creation which withered its way out of a heap of dirt and squeaked at me before screeching off as a vehicle came hurdling its waythen the reality came crashing down and the acknowledge of passing time rang true.
Now watching it for the second time on Blu-Ray, I still thinkit's a tired film, devoid of much of the magic and ore and tangible excitement that made, at least the original, a true classic of the swashbuckling genre. It stars and is directed, produced and scored by men in there 60s and 70s and it sure as hell feels like it. But as they say its not the age, its the mileage. This couldnt be closer to the truth.
Lucas, Spielberg, Ford seemway past their prime with little touch on reality, who are just going through the motions and sugar coating the whole sordid affair with layers upon layers of lazy time-reducing CGI make-up. They dress up Harrison Ford in ridiculous bowties, give him an over elaborate hunch, have him word indigestible prose and bitter on tiredly about mystical skulls like he was a grumpy bitter man closer to 80 not still swinging 65. I yawned and yawned and yawned again. And then along comes Karen Allen back as Marion - 27 years after her first Indy outing - looking and acting as sad and short changed as her unfortunate post Indy career. She had a solid and feisty natural charm in RAIDERS now she is a phoney, smoky voiced, smiling weathered wreck who looks and acts more like a waxwork then an impressionable humoured heroine. As for introducing the prospect of a little Indy with Shia LaBeouf well now youre just scrapping the barrel.
But who cares as long as they nurture those customary action sequences into place at least we can retain some of the old magicright? Wrong! From the hideous nuclear attack that warps poor fridge-encased Indy into the sky, to a ridiculous jeep racing forest fencing pursuit to an unfortunate riverboat waterfall travesty the CGI-riddled set pieces have about as much thrilling flare as a Michael Winner movie. Never once did they inflict a sense of exciting (albeit implausible), heart-beating perilthen along comes a swarm of killer insects resembling something out of a Roadrunner cartoon and dont get me started on those bloody monkeys!
A quite literal nod of the head to former supporting character Marcus Brody (who was immortalised by the late Denholm Elliott in two previous films), a hilarious snake wrangling scene with poor Indy at the receiving end, a bitter nostalgic infused feud between Indy and Marion that ends warmly and I actually didnt mind Cate Blanchetts spicy villainous Russian turn as Irina Spalko. But there was so much missing in between all these moments that I walked away yearning for so much more.
Where was Sallah? John Rhys-Davies is still fit and fighting strong after those Lord of the Rings movies, why practically replace with a phoned in performance from the always shifty Ray Winstone? Why was such a classically gifted theatrical actor like John Hurt dancing around like a buffoon? And where the hell did that alien spaceship spring from?
It all looks pretty on high definition, there's a great set of extra's and the work of Janusz Kamiski looks pretty extraordinary in this format. But I can't help but watch the movie and still feel bitter, like a tired and very old child, one who had all but lost that sense of cinematic spirited fun and adventure he was once so enthralled by. That day I almost completely lost my cinematic impulses and urges.
It's entertaining though to see Harrison Ford give such a great performance and a great DVD package, Spielberg knows how to put a blockbuster DVD together. It's just a shame the movie doesn't live up to it.
Disc One: * Indiana Jones Timelines * Story Timeline: Showcases the key events of the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull storyline. * Production Timeline: A Making-of chronology for Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. * Historical Timeline: Dives into the real-world historical influences * The Return of a Legend * Pre-Production Disc 2: Production Diary: * Shooting Begins: New Mexico (HD) * Back To School: New Haven, Connecticut (HD) * Welcome to the Jungle: Hilo, Hawaii (HD) * On-Set Action (HD) * Exploring Akator (HD) * Wrapping Up! (HD) * Warrior Makeup (HD) * The Crystal Skulls (HD) * Iconic Props (HD) * The Effects of Indy (HD) * Adventures in Post Production (HD) * Closing: Team Indy (HD) * Pre-Visualization Sequences * Area 51 Escape (HD) * Jungle Chase (HD) * Ants Attack (HD) * Galleries * The Art Department * The Adventure Begins * Cemetery and Jungle * Akator * Stan Winston Studio * Corpses, Skeletons & Mummies * Aliens & Crystal Skulls * Production Photographs * Portraits * Behind-the-Scenes Photographs