They haven't released a film above a 38 on Metacritic or 36% on Rotten Tomatoes, with averages at 32 and 20% respectively. Practically every 80s horror fan detests them almost as much as critics do. With every remake they churn out, controversy is stirred and concerns are raised. These are then proven rightfully so, as Michael Bay's Platinum Dunes production company release another pitifully dire film. Platinum Dunes was started back in 2001 by Bay and fellow film-makers Brad Fuller and Andrew Form. They soon set out on their path of destruction, acquiring the rights to their first victim: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise. The film was a box office success due to relentlessly heavy and meticulously planned advertising, but the film itself put to shame the masterful original and even the prior sequels that it was following. But besides being an all round terrible film, it started a new trend, one that Platinum Dunes was keen to milk for all it was worth. For horror, the 2000s became the decade of the remake. I'm going to level with every one of you now: I hate remakes of films. I believe them to be shameless cash-ins of someone else's idea and show such a disturbinglack of creativity on the part of their creators. They are usually rushed into production to be churned out to theaters as soon as possible, containing very limited time for the care and attention a movie deserves. Usually these remakes have little to no good story features, besides those from which they suck out of the originals like the leaches they are, and involve flat situations, one dimensional characters and unbelievable dialogue. In short - remakes are the killers of originality and an insult to the film they are somehow authorised to rip off. This is where it becomes apparent that Platinum Dunes is a terrible company. They have released eight films, only two of which have been original ideas. The rest have been shameless knock offs of classic films, mostly concerning horror films of the 80s. Nightmare on Elm Street had the fun sucked out of it, Amityville Horror was turned into a bland, drooling mess, The Hitcher had no sense of disturbing character, and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre films (They made a prequel soon after the first) just slapped Tobe Hooper's original in the face. The only saving grace in my eyes was Friday the 13th, which, while still retaining the knock-off sense of these films, tried to stick true to the series as if it was a sequel, while still presenting some fresh ideas about ol' Jason Voorhees. Unfortunately this left many series fans confused and a bit underwhelmed.
As if this wasn't bad enough, last year it was announced that Rob Zombie, director of the new Halloween films - possibly the only decent horror remakes there have been in recent history - would not be returning to create Halloween 3D, but instead the series has been signed over to good old Platinum Dunes. While I can only make assumptions as to the quality of this film, I think its a safe bet that they will be butchering two franchises of the same name in one foul swoop. As it needs to be addressed and you're probably wondering when I'll mention it, don't even get me started on 'Ninja Turtles'. This article is probably long winded and depressing enough as it is. Now, all this bugs me. In fact, it irritates me immensely. But it was not worth writing an article about because while it is all a bit of a sham there's no big crime being committed. They are making appalling films that are tarnishing classics, but stains can and will wash out. Unfortunately, Platinum Dunes are not done. They produced a pair of bad original films in the mix of all the generic remake fodder, but this year I discovered they are beginning to branch out from horror remakes with an action-comedy film. No harm there, right? Wrong. Michael Bay, after making Pearl Harbor, was outraged at Trey Parker and Matt Stone's song 'The End of An Act', which featured on the soundtrack of Team America: World Police. The song blasted Pearl Harbor (while hilariously comparing it to how much the singer misses his true love), and included lines such as 'I guess Pearl Harbor sucked, just a little bit more than I miss you.' and 'Why does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies?'. An angry Mr Bay responded with 'I make films for twelve year olds. So sue me.' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uaQCMg-QGNU Now this would be a perfectly excusable argument for a film like Transformers. Big robots and mass explosions, clearly fake and clearly Sci Fi. But something struck me about that particular comment and the film in general: The Bombing of Pearl Harbor was a very real, very tragic event - one of the biggest atrocities of WWII - and the film treats it like another fantasy action film. I felt very little respect was being given to the many people who actually died at the actual bombings. Spielberg showed us that war films depicting real events could be action packed and still respectful with Saving Private Ryan. Why couldn't Bay have done the same, or just left real events out of his gun-ho movies? Now, this new action-comedy film that Bay is created and Platinum Dunes is producing is titled 'Pain & Gain'. It's about a poor, down-on-his-luck gym worker and his friend, who team up with a recently released criminal to kidnap a wealthy businessman and torture him until he gives them all his money, before attempting to kill him. Hilarious, right? But it gets worse when you realise the film is based on true events. And we're not talking Paranormal Activity style "somebody heard a noise in a house, here is a dramatisation of that" based. These events really are true.
So Mr Bay is rolling out a comedy film that demonises a torture victim and sympathises with those who tortured him. Its a comedy film about real-life murderers and criminals, two of which are currently on Death Row for their actions, which throws any sense of respect or decency towards their victims out the window. I don't regularly think movies should be suppressed, I believe in right of artistic expression no matter how talentless that art turns out to be (you only need to see the trailer to this film to see its 'talent' at work) and I usually think that films presenting real life events are designed to pay homage to their heroes or commemorate those lost (Saving Private Ryan, Schindler's List, United 93, the list goes on). I'm usually the guy telling people to grow up when they complain about movies like Kick Ass for featuring a gun-toting eight year old or Scream for inspiring teenage killers. But Pain & Gain, Platinum Dunes' crowning disaster, is content to tear away any shred of respect I had for the company. It is my honest opinion that Platinum Dunes and its key player have overstepped a boundary that needs to be addressed. Its one thing to remake and distort another film. Distorting the events of a real life series of very disturbing crimes and making it out to be funny is a whole different realm of idiocy. Platinum Dunes is the worst film company of all time. Do you agree? Comment below to give us your opinion.