There are few feelings more predictable, nor depressing, than the development of a new
Michael Bay film; and nowhere is this more pronounced than in the case of the final of his combustible, cgi-porn opus,
Transformers: The Dark of The Moon. Having taken a fairly shortlived- though warmly remembered- toy franchise from the 1980s and turned it into 6 hours of explosions and unrestrained lechery, Bay has returned with a view to exploiting among the pottyer of the internets multitudinous Moon conspiracy theories. The new film will attempt to crow-bar in the Transformers mythology to the moon race between the USA and the USSR in the 1960s, suggesting that both were aware of structures that existed on the dark side of the moon and that the space race was an attempt to access this, apparently, alien technology. Quite how history is going to be mangled in order to facilitate such a narrative is unclear, however, from the films initial trailer it is apparent that scientific quibbles have been forgone as Neil Armstong is shown using the Saturn V landing vehicle on both the dark side of the moon, and in the lake of tranquillity- an physical impossibility that could be spotted by the 12 years olds that must constitute Transformers demographic. The most profound changes- if that isnt stretching the definition of the word are in cast and crew. Gone is Megan Fox and her wholly artistically justified bending over, replaced by some English eye-candy, model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, over whom Bay will slobber with his camera. Gone too is screenwriter Roberto Orci who stated- and without irony- the series was in danger of getting stale. A shame, then, that he was unable to introduce humour quite so dead pan into the first two films. Possibly the greatest inevitability for the final installation of the trilogy, however, is the fact that it is being shot in inglorious 3D. Now Bays orgy of frenetic shaky cam, close-ups, explosions and cleavage shots can be even enjoyed in seemingly greater proximity if, all be it, in a far darker and fuzzier mode. So if the narrative doesnt make you nauseous, the images probably will. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3H8bnKdf654 Transformers: Dark of the Moon will be released in June.