Mike reviews Breck Eisner's Romero re-imagining THE CRAZIES!

rating: 3

The Crazies, opening in both the U.K. and U.S. today as you probably know by now, is a George A. Romero remake. As you may also know, it is essentially another zombie film. Sure, it masquerades as the story of a crashed government plane carrying germ weapons that make people into homicidal maniacs, but all that amounts to is the fast-walking zombies of a couple of well-known 're-imaginings' of Romero's famous beasties. Having suitably lowered your expectations, let me know tell you that it's not all bad. Director Breck Eisner keeps the film ticking over with a steady pace as we move from the eerie appearance of the first 'crazy' on a baseball field one day up until the infection is fully fledged and our courageous heroes flee the devious government pawns who seek to wipe out the town: and the mistake that the government so careless rained down upon them. What's more, all of the stars pull off the cliche-filled dialogue more than competently; delivering every set-piece with the well-practised woodenness of any big name star from Tom Cruise to Keanu Reeves (so it scores high on the value for money stakes). What it doesn't score highly on is originality. It just played everything too safe to really offer anything exciting, and for most of the film it was so close to the Romero formula that it had all of the predictability of watching a film you know and love, without watching a film you know or love. To me that's not fun, it's just like 90 minutes of deja vu. At best, that comes off as weird and at worst it's pointless.

I haven't seen the original, so I can't accurately compare how it stands up but I gather from my research ("ll hold my hands up and admit I just asked a few friends) The Crazies is Romero's The Last House on the Left: an early outing that, while not a bad showcase for the man's talent, fails to deliver on the things he does best. If this is true, then the film should have been more open to a fresh look. Not an overhaul that would have people up in arms about a remake, but something to add a little freshness. But if you, like many people, are just looking for a bit of fun that'll occasionally jumping out of your seat you can do far worse. There are eerie moments that build some tension, sweeping scenes of distraction, and faceless government drones squaring up to the smalltown heroes who stand against the arbitrary dehumanisation that is always represented by authority in these 70s horrors. It's all there, and it's all as bombastic, basic and amusing as ever.

One more word of warning though: the film was heavily reliant on the old pause'n'scare (my pet hate). The sound vacuum creeps up on you as the shot tightens on our main character before suddenly, BAM a cat runs out. Phew! Or rather, what the hell?! Why be so lazy? I'd rather just pay a friend a fiver to jump out and shout 'Boo!' at me when I'm not expecting it. At least that way it's less predictable and I give money to someone I know and like. Anyway, that's enough of my rambling. The verdict: possibly worth it for a bit of a laugh if you're a fan of Romero, or horror more generally, but it's nothing that'll be remembered for long after you leave the theatre.